Home for Horny Monsters - Book Six

What in the Dickens?

"And then there were two." Lily scowled at the fireplace. While she had been more than a little angry that Mike had asked her to stay behind, the rational part of her understood why. Nothing would give her more pleasure than antagonizing that elf. Lily could tell that Holly had quite the body hidden underneath her Santa slave-wear. Goading the woman into a sexual encounter sounded positively delightful.

The emotional part of her wanted to rip someone's face off and eat it.

"Not quite, my young demoness." Death moved toward the tree and knelt down to pick up a package. "Tick Tock is not human, so I assume that he is in a wakeful state."

As if in response, the lid of the gift slid to one side and a ribbon emerged, hanging over the side like a dog's tongue.

"We got left behind, Bone Daddy. We're just warming the bench until they return. I'm surprised that you offered to stay. Don't you want to see the North Pole? Meet your big fat hero?"

Death chuckled. "Ah, but then I wouldn't be able to do this." He hopped onto the bench of the sleigh and set Tick Tock next to him, then picked up the reins. "On Dasher, on Dancer! On Francis and Plissken! On Gromit, on Stupid! On Dahmer and Blumpkin!"

Lily scowled. "Those aren't their names."

"Those are the names Tinker told me." Death turned to examine Santa's bag. "I wonder if there are any other presents in here for me? Or perhaps there's one for you?"

"If the legends are any metric, I should have a nice big rock in there."

Death ignored her, his arm already buried deep in the bag.

"How do you suppose he finds the presents? Is there some kind of order to them? Holly gave me that compass earlier without looking, so maybe I just need to think really hard..." The flames in Death's eyes swirled as he pulled a gift the size of a toaster out. "Aha, look!"

He tilted the present toward Lily, a smug look on his face as he tapped the label.

"No shit?" Puzzled, Lily took the box. "How do you know it's for me and not some other Lily?" She examined the label, and saw Lily the Succubus written on the tag in golden calligraphy. "Okay, that's fair. It's heavy."

"Open it! Open it!" Death was gripping the side of the sleigh so tight that his fingers dug into the velvet upholstery. "Let's see what Santa got you!"

"This is ridiculous." She slid her finger beneath the wrapping paper to rip it, then stopped. A cold breeze moved across the back of her neck and tickled her ears. "Do you feel that?"

Death paused. "Feel what?" He gave the sleigh a squeeze. "It feels nice. I think it's mahogany."

In the kitchen, something fell on the floor with a metallic clatter.

"I thought there was no one else outside the time lock." Lily set the package down on the seat and walked toward the kitchen. The dining room was dark, as the lights had been off when time froze. However, the kitchen light was on, and she could see a moving shadow within. There was muttering, followed by a wet slurping sound in the kitchen.

Turning the corner, she found herself staring at a large figure huddled over the sink. It had pulled one of the pans out of the drying rack and was licking it with a tongue the size of Lily's forearm. Its sloped, abnormally large face terminated in a bulbous nose with thin slits for eyes.

Lily froze, stunned by what she was seeing. The window above the sink was cracked open a couple of inches and she could feel the cold from where she stood. The creature hadn't noticed her yet, and she wondered briefly about the fluid dynamics of air in a time stopped world. Was this creature an undiscovered local? Or had it snuck in somehow?