~Calum
"Calum, what the fuck man!" Ashton yells as he enters our hotel room, seeing the disastrous mess I've created.
My chest heaves up and down, the edge of my bed became a comfortable place to sit and get a grip on myself. "What, so you destroy the room and have nothing to say for yourself?"
I hang my head low, my jaw tensing as I replay the thoughts of everything that has happened minutes prior. From Paige and I fighting, to me practically owing this hotel tons of money for the damage I've caused.
"What am I supposed to say Ashton?" I say staring down at my shoes. "She's been leading me on for three years and I'm just supposed to be okay with that?" I scoff.
Ashton places a hand on his hip and looks at me disappointedly, "You let your emotions get the better of you." He glances around the room, at the mess I made. The sheets on the floor, broken cup glasses, lamps hanging on by a thread. This room is a representation of the monster buried within me. "Did you even hear her out?"
"I don't need to. Her mind is made up." I lift my head up to look at him. "She's moved on from me."
It hurts thinking about the amount of time I've waited for her to be ready and open for a relationship with me, and I wouldn't be feeling this way if she just told me there was no hope for us. I have every reason to act this way and feel the way I do.
Ashton runs a hand down his face, still not seeing eye to eye with me. He takes a seat on the other bed and looks at me. "If it's this easy to give up on what the two of you could've had, why were you still even trying?"
He's right. I feel like I've given Paige all of me which is why it doesn't even feel worth it enough to continue doing that. Why should I if it's so easy for her to be an intentional heartbreaker.
I want to tell Ashton its because I love her, but I'm afraid he wouldn't understand that. He's never known what loving a person so unconditionally that you would do anything for them, feels like. Sure he loves the people closest to us, but he doesn't know what it's like to fall for someone.
I fell hard for Paige the moment I laid my eyes on her seven years ago. The way she hid shyly behind our tour manager as he introduced her to us. Sparks flew when we first bonded over loving Led Zeppelin, the first of many things we've gotten along over.
Avoiding his question, I retort with a new one, "Why did you let go of your previous relationship so easily?"
He's taken aback, looking at me as if I'd crossed a line when that's all I've been feeling from all of my friends. "We were unable to make each other happy." He answers hesitantly.
"Is that all it was?" I know I'm testing my limits with him right now and saying things I most certainly should not be saying towards someone who's been there for me more times than I deserve.
"Calum-"
I stand up to give myself intimidating height over him, "No, was that all it was Ashton? Or are you unable to let yourself love another person romantically."
"You know, you're being a real dick right now Calum." He stands up, meeting my height. "Just because you're going through something doesn't mean you have to tear the rest of us down with you."
"Just because none of your relationships worked out, doesn't mean you have to invalidate my reasoning for still fighting for her all these years." I retort, on the verge of fuming. I've had these feelings pent up inside of me forever, constantly pushing the thoughts of giving up to the side, because I never wanted to believe that there wasn't a future with her in it.
YOU ARE READING
Ghost Of You | cth
Fanfiction"Promise me you'll be fine?" She said as the two of held onto each other's hands for dear life. "I'll be just fine." I said kissing her hand and reassured her through my tears.
