You know when you're drowning, you don't actually inhale until right before you blackout. It's called voluntary apnea. It's like no matter how much you're freaking out, the instinct to not let any water in is so strong that you won't open your mouth until you feel like your head's exploding. But then when you finally do let it in, that's when it stops hurting. It's not scary anymore. It's actually kind of peaceful." I said playing with my fingers
"Are you saying you hope Matt felt some peace in his last moments?" Ms.Morrell asked me which caused me to exhale.
"I don't feel sorry for him." I said looking up
"Can you feel sorry for the nine-year-old Matt who drowned?" Ms.Morrell asked me
"Just because a bunch of dumbasses dragged him into a pool when he couldn't swim, doesn't really give him the right to go off killing them one by one. And also papa Stilinski told me that they found a bunch of pictures of me and Allison on Matt's computer. And not just of us by ourselves though. I mean he photoshopped himself into these pictures. Stuff like us holding hands and kissing same for Allison's pictures. You know, like he had built these fake relationships. So yeah, maybe drowning when he was nine years old was what set him off the rails, but he was definitely riding the crazy train." I said
"One positive thing came out of this, though." Ms.Morrell said referring to Papa Stilinski getting his job back and also dating my mom.
"Yeah. He makes my mom really happy and I'm glad he got his job back. Although I feel this tension when I talk to Stiles and Scott." I said
"Have you talked to them since that night?" Ms. Morrell asked me
"Stiles yes and Scott not as much but I mean he has his own problem to deal with." I said referring to how Mama McCall hasn't really talked or been in the same room as him since that night at the station when she found out he was a werewolf.
"How are you and Isaac? I know he's one of the three one aways" Ms.Morrell asked me
"We actually broke up, it's kinda complicated."I said looking down at my hands
"Why is that?" Ms.Morrell asked
"Um, it's one of those things where we realized right now is not the best time for us to be together and we're just gonna see what happens in the future and another reason." I said keeping the part about the fact I still had feelings for Scott to myself.
"And how are you feeling?" Ms. Morrell
"Besides my panic attacks? I feel like something terrible going to happen and no matter what I can't get rid of the feeling." I said finally looking back up
"It's called hypervigilance it's the persistent feeling of being under threat."
"But it's not just a feeling, though it's like it's a panic attack. You know, like I can't even breathe." I explained
"Like you're drowning?" Ms. Morrell asked
"Yeah." I deadpanned
"So if you're drowning, and you're trying to keep your mouth closed until that very last moment, What if you choose to not open your mouth? To not let the water in?"Ms.Morrell asked me
"Well, you do anyway. It's a reflex." I said kinda confused
"But if you hold off until that reflex kicks in, you have more time, right?"
"Not much time."
"But more time to fight your way to the surface?"
"I guess." I said shrugging
"More time to be rescued."
"More time to be in agonizing pain. Did you forget about the part where you feel like your head's exploding?" I snapped a little
YOU ARE READING
The Blazing Land (Scott McCall)
FanfictionElla Yearwood has been friends with Scott Mccall and Stiles since 3rd grade and Lydia since 6th that's exactly when she started liking Scott but never knew he liked her until the night before sophomore year another thing she didn't know was that nig...
