Once Upon Online

chapter 80

Another week passes and Ervin is still doing well. I'm able to actually hold him now for a short time. My baby boy is so strong and I'm so proud of him.

The Shin's are still in town but they haven't been able to see Ervin. I've showed them pictures though. They limit visitation at the NICU to just parents. I told them Ryujin is my partner that's why they let her come with me.

I find it crazy how much it makes a difference having people who support you when you're going through something hard. My mom, sister, Travis, Ryujin and her family have made this whole experience bearable.

I don't know how I would have reacted if they weren't around. Some days are extra tough where I'm really struggling with my emotions. I have emotional breakdowns more often than I'd like but they're always there to help with Eva. Ryujin would usually stay with me and just let me cry without asking questions.

Were on our way home from the hospital now. We usually go when it's time to feed him so we visit multiple times a day.

Ryujin holds my hand and I look out the window. Sometimes I still can't believe I'm in a relationship like this. Lately, I've been having moments of gratitude. It's where I would suddenly zone out and think of all the things I'm grateful for. It's mainly Ryujin and her showing me that I don't need to settle for less. She always reminds me that I'm an amazing person to the point that I'm slowly believing it myself.

I look at her now and she's focus on the road. I look at our hands then back at her. This woman showed me what it feels like to be loved and cared for. She's made see myself in a new light. So many people have put me down that I didn't remember or know what being happy was like.

It's sad that I'm still learning what I'm worth. It's sad that I let people talk down on me and abuse me. It's sad that I didn't have the courage to stand up to them.

I was worried that Eva would end up like me. I was worried of disappointing her because I didn't know how to teach her how to be confident.

Now that I'm in an actual loving relationship, I can confidently show my daughter how she should be treated. I can show her how it needs to be like in a healthy relationship and never settle for less.

I didn't realize I was tearing up already so I quickly wipe away my tears but of course Ryujin already notices it. She notices every little changes with me.

"What's wrong?" She ask as she kisses my hand and looks at me with her endearing eyes before looking back to the road.

"I was just thinking about how lucky I am to have you" I say honestly. She would alternate from looking at the road and back to me as we continue to talk.

"I feel like I haven't done enough for you in our relationship. Everything has been about me mainly. You're always the one making sacrifices" I add.

"To make sacrifices means I'm giving up something. What am I giving up?" She ask sincerely and I don't know how to answer.

"Yeji, you're going through far more things than I am. Wouldn't it be selfish of me if I make it about myself? You've suffered long enough. It's your turn to be pampered and I'm happy to do that. I'm not making sacrifices because I'm not losing anything. I'm actually gaining something. I have you, Eva and Ervin now. I can't ask for anything more than seeing you three happy and healthy" she smiles at me.

"Also, you do help me too. Whenever were together, you take care of me too. You help make me feel better on the days where I'm really down" she adds.

I feel like crying again. This girl keeps making me cry.

We finally arrive at the house. She opens the front door and let me in first.

"We're home" I announce while taking off my shoes.