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hey favorites. just gearing you all up for the last couple of chaps. only 6 left...

I sat there for God knows how long, maybe six hours, seven possibly? It was morning time when I left the grassy ground and made my way inside

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I sat there for God knows how long, maybe six hours, seven possibly? It was morning time when I left the grassy ground and made my way inside. Antonio sat on the porch and watched me all night long while I sat in the ferns and grass and cried to myself.

The grass wasn't even soft, it was drier than it should've been. I think I can thank California's heat for that. However, I didn't even notice until about hour five that it was uncomfortable even in the slightest. I was just numb once again.

I stood up from the ground shakily and my eyes were so dry. I wondered if I had even blinked for those seven hours that I was out there. My legs and arms were stiff from not moving at all, my ass hurt like a bitch, but I think the worst ache of them all was my heart. Not to sound cliche of course.

I had a heartache.

I sighed to myself as I tacked mud inside the house, heading straight for the kitchen without any thought in the world. Antonio looked at me with pity my whole pitiful way to the kitchen sink. I stood there with my hands on the cool metal of the sink rim while Antonio and Jenna watched me carefully. Jenna looks almost as tired as me, but she seems to be more calm than broken. Maybe she has more trust in this than I do, maybe she has more hope.

Me? I have a head full of worried thoughts that I can't seem to shake. So I just don't try anymore. I let the inevitable fill my brain like it was destined to.

I leaned over the sink, my stomach pressing against the metal while the awful tension filled under my tongue, my lymph nodes were surely swollen and I was standing here on an empty stomach and a dehydrated body.

Antonio waited a while before he dared to speak. "Miss Blake? It's going to be-"

I didn't even let him finish his sentence before the tears started again just at his voice and I heaved over the kitchen sink and spilled out anything that was left in my empty stomach at the thought of this day.

I heard Jenna gasp at the noise of my vomiting from behind me. I felt a calloused hand touch my back gently and timidly to soothe me. I wasn't soothed in the slightest. I pulled back from the sink and stood directly upwards, looking down at the mess that I had left and let myself cry again.

"Oh sweet girl. Sick to her stomach." Jenna mumbled from the couch like it wasn't obvious. The sound of his mother's voice triggered more sobs as I just slid down the bottom cabinets into a crouching position. I fell back with no care and hugged my legs to my chest tightly as I shut my eyes. "He's gone. He's gone. He's gone." I muttered under my breath as I rocked back and forth on the floor. Antonio stood there like a lost puppy, clearly not expecting this reaction out of me. I guess we all cope in different ways, don't we?

"He's not gone, Blake. He's just out on another mission. Think of it like that." I didn't want to think of it like that. I didn't want to imagine him risking his life again. I wanted him here, I wanted him safe. I wanted the life I've been dreaming for us. Even if we were stuck in this damn cabin for the rest of our lives.

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