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"The supreme happiness of life consists in the conviction that one is loved

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"The supreme happiness of life consists in the conviction that one is loved." — Victor Hugo

" — Victor Hugo

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Jaipur, India

I don't know what I felt at the moment when the realisation settled within me. Should I feel guilty that she was killed while it was supposed to be me? Or should I be happy that I survived?

Ruhi haunted me. She always came in my nightmares or while I had a panic attack not to comfort me, but to burn me, take me along with her. If I had fond memories attached with her, there were far too many nightmares to remind me that I picture her as my killer, a foe, not a friend.

And I always wondered why. And maybe this was the reason.

Ruhi's death had affected me in the worst possible way. There were days when I felt inexplicably guilty over and over and I still don't why.

It was always me, not you, Ruhi.

I was supposed to go through everything you went through. I was supposed to die that day.

You were supposed to live a life full of adventure.

Vihaan had brought me back home and had left Mom to look after me while he went back to the Bureau. He was so worried, there were lines on his forehead. He was thinking so hard on how to comfort me since I had not spoken from all the way from the Bureau to home.

My heart broke a little when I watched him go back, his shoulders dropped in a dejected sigh.

The pieces of my heart that had been struggling to fit into this world became so quiet when I was with you; it was as if they had found peace as if they needed your glue to bridge their gaps and connect.

Why are you so good to me, Vihaan?

Why am I falling in love with you again and again?

Why does it feel so difficult?

How do I tell you that I love you when I am carrying such a burden in my heart?

We would have never happened if I had died that day. I would have never fallen in love then.

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