Fragments Of A Broken Mind

LXXXI

There are times now,

I still pretend,

That my home's still a place

That I feel safe,

It'll never change.

But, I'm getting older

And they say 

That I've got to stop.

Cause there's no time

For make-believe

While my life slips away.

Cause now the light in my eyes,

They say it's all but gone.

Cause all the dreams that I had

Are turning out to be wrong.

How do I keep my head up?

My crowns falling off.

These voices in my head,

They are my down fall.

And it gets so hard

Cause I have no where to go.

How do I keep my head up

While my crown falls?

I've got no path leading

To a right road,

And it feels like I'll never 

Make it home.

Can't keep my head up...

All my friends now got

Someone to hold.

But, I'm still not prepared.

Still wanna hide out.

Can't make it on my own.

And now the light in my eyes,

They says it's going off.

Cause all the dreams that I had

Turned out to be hard.

Can't keep my head up,

My crowns down.

Yeah, I've given into

The voices in my head,

It's my downfall.

And it gets so hard

Cause I don't know where I'll go.

Can't keep my head up.

It's too hard now.

Yeah, I've given up.

Can't seem to see the path

That leads to the right road.

My home's too far.

And I can't take it anymore...

Maybe someday,

I'll find myself back to the start.

Maybe someday.

I'll wake up and be happy.

But my crowns down,

And these voices in my head won't stop.

It seems so hard,

And I don't see a way home...

A/N

For some reason, I want to share the story of how and why I wrote this. So, please. Bare with me. Or don't. Y'all can just skip it, lol.

I was having a bad day, my exams were coming up, I was stressed, but I couldn't bring myself to study, and because I've never told anyone how I feel, no one understood. They didn't understand that by calling me reckless, by saying that I'll fail, it wasn't motivating me, and instead they were just cementing what I was hearing in head.

I could never blame them, though. My disability can never be their fault, and the fact that I don't say anything back just makes it worse. It's all on me.

Anson Seabra's songs have this different effect on me, though. They make me feel not so alone in what I'm going through. It's as though he knows me personally and can like read my mind or something. He writes and plays music that somehow always just hit home for me, you know? Whether it's his Trying My Best or Magazine or Keep Your Head Up Princess or even Luck Charms.

He's got me through stuff and I will forever be grateful to him. I can't say exactly why, but I was sitting at home, seriously considering doing stuff that I promised someone and myself I wouldn't, and this song played in my head. So, I put it on and I wanted to be the one he spoke about. So, I told him how I felt. Now, this could never be a song, cause I've got no melody, and I could never make a melody, but I've written it.

I couldn't say what I'll do if somehow, he just reads this. I'd scream honestly. I'd go a little crazy and then sober down and tell myself I imagined it. But, if he does, then I hope he understands just how grateful I am that he decided to put his music out. I'm probably never going to make it to any of his concerts, and there's probably like a 0.25% he'll actually see this, lol. I am just an as-of-tomorrow 16 year old, but I don't know. Sometimes, even though I know it'll just hurt more, it's nice to hope.

Anyway, I've attached the song above or at the side, depending on how you read.

Vote and share, ig.

Also, I'm not ignoring anyone. I just haven't been able to check my notifications cause I'm using Wattpad on my computer and there's something wrong. Why am I using it on the computer? Well, in simple words, I'm sneaking around.

Much love, ana_banana2103  <3