The King's Artist

Ch 76: A Forest of Sorrow

Wordlessly, Henry led Adelaide out of the city. The night sky stretched out overhead and stars began to appear like glittering jewels as they rode their horses past homes and families, and out into the open fields beyond the port. Henry's speed was faster than Adelaide's, and she watched him hesitantly from a few meters away not urging her mare into a quicker pace despite his apparent urgency. 

He hadn't looked at her since the alleyway. 

When they had finally stopped kissing, Adelaide's lips had felt bruised and her eyes had burned from the onslaught of tears that she couldn't stop. Henry was in a similar position and had slouched against the opposite wall for what seemed like hours until he regained his barrings. Then he had left, and though he hadn't said anything to her—had given her no indication that their conversation was going to continue—Adelaide knew he would be back. And sure enough, moments later, Henry had returned with a couple of horses. He had been discreet, leading them along back roads and successfully avoiding every single soul overflowing Harfleur. 

They rode and rode until Adelaide's legs ached and her face stung from the wind. Henry was breathing heavily when they finally stopped, taking leave on the edge of a forest. They both dismounted at the same time, leaving their horses to graze nearby, knowing they were well-trained enough not to wander. 

The canopy of trees consumed them in darkness as they moved underneath them. 

"Henry—" Adelaide hated how weak her voice sounded as she tried to speak. It cracked as if from a lack of use and she cleared her throat uncomfortably before speaking again. "Henry, please talk to me."

Suddenly, Henry pivoted to look at her. He opened his mouth only to close it immediately afterward. He shook his head and gave a pained cry as he threaded his fingers into his hair. When he looked up again, Adelaide saw tears in his eyes. A storm of emotion swirled in his gaze, and rage and hurt filtered across his face, fighting for dominance. The only thing constant about his expression was the sadness that seemed to overwhelm him, that sunk his shoulders and paled his skin. 

He looked like death. 

"You know, I've thought about abandoning you here. Sailing to England without you."

The words rang like a strike across her face and Adelaide stumbled back. Tears sprang up once more, but she fought them down, blinking rapidly to clear her vision. 

"How could you say that to me?" She whispered, her voice breaking. "How could you say that to me after everything we've been through?" 

She was screaming at him now. She wasn't sure if she'd ever screamed at him this loudly, this aggressively. 

Without thinking, Adelaide closed the space between them and raised her hand. Before her slap could land, though, Henry snatched her wrist from the air. She immediately swung the other, but he grabbed that one too, pinning her arms between them while keeping them locked in his grasp. He shook her once, forcing her eyes up.

"It is precisely because of what we've been through that I want to leave you here!" Henry shouted in return. "Here you can be happy. Here you can achieve your dreams—dreams that you sacrificed so much for. And it's here that you will be out of danger and safe. Away from the death and violence and war that awaits us in England."

Adelaide felt paralyzed as she looked at him. He continued holding her, the wave of emotions still flickering over his features like a candle in a breeze. 

"You're not leaving me here," she uttered under her breath. Henry's head lowered as Adelaide pressed into him. She wanted to touch him, soothe his worries and fears, and kiss away the anxiety coursing through him, but Henry continued holding her wrists tightly between them, keeping her firmly rooted in place.  

"I'm not leaving you here," he confirmed quietly with a slight nod. The tension in Adelaide's chest subsided slightly, but the pain in Henry's dark eyes didn't dissipate, nor did the tightness of his grip. "As much as I want to believe that I can do this without you, I know I can't. I need you with me when we land. I need you with me when I raise my family's banner. And I need you with me when I send men to their deaths. Because that's what's going to happen—whether we win or not. In over a week's time, people are going to die fighting for me. I may even die. And as much as I want to leave you here where a better life awaits you, I'm not going to do that. But this will be the last time, Adelaide. Me taking you to England will be the last time that I'm selfish. With you or anyone or anything else. This will be it."

Henry's words rang through Adelaide's head like a bell. Her initial elation over him saying he needed her, relied on her, saw her as a source of strength, had melted into a coppery tang in her mouth. It tasted like blood and felt like a wound. 

This was his goodbye. This was his way of telling her that after the war ended he was no longer going to give in to his feelings for her. That no matter how much he wanted her, no matter how desperately he needed her by his side, he wasn't going to allow it. He was going to force her away and she wouldn't be able to stop him. 

"Henry, please," she tried, but he looked away from her. Something stabbed painfully in Adelaide's chest and she fought to release herself from his grasp. She wanted to shake him, hit him, kiss him, throttle him, hug him. She wanted to convey everything that she felt for him, for their situation, but she didn't know how. "Let me stay with you."

They both knew she meant for forever.

And as Henry looked down at her, tears glistening and lips pressed into a hardline, Adelaide felt herself shatter when he shook his head and told her no. 

"I won't do that to you. I've already taken too much from you. I not going to steal away your future happiness, as well."

"My future happiness is with you!" She was screaming again. With a strangled cry, Adelaide finally broke free from Henry and began swinging at him. Her moves were uncoordinated and random as she fought to hit him. It didn't matter where, it didn't matter how hard, she just wanted to push her pain onto him in any way that she could. 

Henry took each hit, worldeslly and without a sound. 

Adelaide felt exhausted far too quickly. She was pounding onto his chest almost lazily before she realized she was sobbing hysterically. Was this why he had brought them so far away from the city? Did he know that she would cry this loudly?  

Her knees gave out first and Adelaide sunk against Henry. Gently, he lowered them to the floor, his arms secured around her, holding and rocking her silently. He kissed the top of her head, wiped at her eyes, and tried to calm her hiccups and shaking. But Adelaide could feel his own tears hitting her cheeks, feel his own frame rattling with each inhale. Henry was trying to be strong. For both of them. 

"You cannot be happy in a future with me, Adelaide," he said against her hair brokenly. One of his hands came up to the back of her head and he squeezed her briefly before pulling away. They locked eyes, their feelings a perfect reflection of each other. "I love you. With all my heart. And I wish I could spend my life with you. I wish I could make you happy. But I can't, and we both know that."

Adelaide buried her face in Henry's neck and held him as tightly as she could. She didn't want to respond to his statement. She couldn't. Because a part of her was convinced that regardless of whether she stayed with him or not, she would never know happiness again.