Beyond - Nate Jacobs

29. "The last kiss"

Mila's POV

The world felt empty and so did I. I felt lifeless almost as if the incident of two nights ago, had sucked all of my life out of me. 

I sat up in my bed whining as Lexi ripped open my curtains. "Lex please", I groaned. 

"No, you need to get your fucking ass out of bed now. Cassie left, we have the house to ourselves", Lexi explained giving me a stern look. 

"I just wanna lay here and not do anything", I whispered laying back down. Lexi had informed me that Cassie was actually living at my ex-boyfriends' house at the moment. 

"Mila I swear to god", Lexi threatened before ripping the sheets off of me. 

I groaned slightly annoyed. All I wanted to do was watch trash TV and keep ignoring the world. The past two days I had been thinking a lot about everything. 

My past relationships and the relationships that were just developing and I knew, that I needed time to myself. 

After having a gun pointed at my head, my perspective on life did a 180. 

"Come on Mi, we can talk about everything but you need to eat something", Lexi smiled, her voice being a lot smoother now. 

I knew that she wouldn't just leave me here so I nodded before sitting up. I quickly pulled a zip-up shirt over my body and followed her downstairs. 

Luckily Suze wasn't home, I just couldn't handle the questions right now. 

"Here, mom left some breakfast", Lexi explained before sitting down in front of me. 

"I don't even know if I can eat", I muttered looking at the food. The sight of food made me want to throw up.

"You need to", Lexi explained and kept her gaze on me, "You wanna talk about it?"

"Not really", I said before biting into the toast. 

"Have you been staying at Fezco's?", she asked me after a few moments of silence. 

"Yeah, but I still need to talk to him", I explained, I really wanted to share my thoughts with her but why was it so hard to let her know. 

"About what?", Lexi asked confused drinking my orange juice. 

"Well we kind of hooked up but it didn't really mean anything. I need to talk to him because after Nate-", I stopped myself, I couldn't tell her about Nate and the gun. 

"Nate what?"

"After Nate tried calling me and you know fucking Cassie, I just need some time to myself. I can't handle a relationship right now and I still don't want to hurt him so I thought talking to him about it and you know, ending things between us", I explained feeling a knot form in my throat. 

I never wanted to hurt Fez but if this thing between us, really was starting to be something I had to stop it. I was not in the right mindset to developed a new healthy relationship right now, so before I was going to hurt him, I needed to end it. 

"That's really sad but mature. I totally get it, you have so much on your plate, it's just fair", Lexi explained giving me a weak smile. 

"Yeah, he deserves someone that has a good heart, someone that is there for him 100% all of the time. I can't be that someone right now", I explained while finishing my breakfast. 

"I get that, he's a good guy", Lexi sighed. 

Silence was coming over us again, I quickly texted Fez that I needed to talk to him ASAP.

"Maybe you should go for him. You're like the sweetest person ever, I bet you two would be amazing together", I smiled at Lexi as I got up from the chair. 

"You think so?"

"Yes, maybe you could be his 100%"

-

"Sup kid", Fez smiled as I pulled him into a hug immediately. 

"Hey Fez, uhm, can we talk?", I asked glancing over at Faye who immediately got the message and went into Fezco's room. 

"Oh that never ends well", Fez sighed before we sat down on the couches. 

"Okay, I need to tell you something but you can't get mad okay?", I asked and the boy in front of me nodded. 

I took a deep breath in before telling him about the Nate incident. 

"What the actual fuck! Mila, that's dangerous! He could have killed you!", Fez yelled while he was pacing around the living room. 

"I know", I responded, I just had to tell Fez. 

"Fuck, he's a psychopath", Fez sighed and came over to me, "Are you okay tho?"

"Yeah, I guess. That's why I needed to talk to you", I started, making the boy sit down in front of me again. 

"This whole experience made me realize how fucked up everything is. I tried to push my thoughts and feelings away, which is unhealthy. I wanna do so much more in my life I mean I'm 18 years old. The moment I looked at the gun I kept thinking how I haven't done all of these things", I explained, a tear slipping down my cheek. 

Fez kept listening to me and whipped the tear away. 

"And I realized that whatever it is, that is developing between us, can't work. I don't mean, that we don't work out in general but I'm in such a messy part of my life where I can't develop a healthy relationship. You deserve someone that gives you 100%, someone you can be truly happy with but that's not me, at least not now. I don't wanna lose you, never in my life so I think whatever that is between us has to end and we have to go back to only being friends".

I gulped after saying him everything I was feeling. Fez didn't say anything before pulling me into his chest, his arms wrapped around me tightly. 

"I know Mi, I know. I get it, I really do. We talked about this before, remember? I knew this day would come and I really respect you for telling me this", Fez smiled down on me. 

"You're not mad?", I asked sniffling. 

"Of course not, I mean yes it hurts but it is how it is. I respect you, and I actually think it's cute that you think about my feelings and not just end it because you are done with me because you're going back to Nate", Fez explained while brushing some hair out of my face. 

"I just don't want to lose you Fez", I whispered and sat back up. 

"You won't ever lose me, ever. I need you in my life", Fez smiled as I pulled him into a tight hug. 

A tear was rolling down my cheek, not because of what I had just told him but because he was the best person on this planet. He actually cared for me, I loved him with all my heart. 

"But can I have one last kiss? The last kiss", Fez asked and I didn't even need to respond before I pressed my lips onto his. 

After we pulled away he walked me over to the door. 

"Thank you for not hating me", I said softly. "I could never hate you, little one", he smiled. 

"You're my best friend, Fez. I love you", I whispered. "You are mine and I'll always be there for you. I love you too". 

We hugged each other again, neither of us wanting to let go. Even though this wasn't a goodbye or even close to one, I already missed him. 

****

This chapter was so sad to write, even though I loved the Mila and Fezco era, this is still a Nate jacobs book :(