chapter two: anxiety attack

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The two siblings walked to Alessandro's car, Ximena who had ran out of clothes Maria hadn't sold for extra money wouldn't need to get anything from home as it was all in her bag which she took to work in a way to stop Maria from selling it.

"Podemos ir a tu casa si eso es lo que quieres porque nos iremos a casa después de eso. No sé en quién se ha convertido mamá, así que te llevaré conmigo." Alessandro said kindly smiling at his sister lovingly.
(We can go to your place if that is what you want because we are going to go home after that I don't know who mum has become so I am taking you with me)

"no hace falta hermano ya tengo todo lo que es de valor." Ximena muttered under her breathe
(no need brother I already have everything that is of value)

Ximena's pov

Alessandro looks up at me in shock and then see the bag in my hand. He guides me to his car seemingly ignoring my last comment and choosing to just take me home anyway.

I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I remember is hearing him mutter. "Te prometo que las cosas mejorarán a partir de aquí, te amo hermanita"
(I promise you things will get better from here, I love you little sister)

 "Te prometo que las cosas mejorarán a partir de aquí, te amo hermanita"(I promise you things will get better from here, I love you little sister)

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(Ximena's outfit imagine that she has covered the tattoos)

I woke up and looked over to see Alessandro looking at the way I was dressed that's when I realised I fucked up. I had spilled coffee on my top this morning and didn't want to be late so I just threw on another top but the only one I had left to wear was well exposing.

I saw Alessandro's hand reach behind me into the back of the car before being hit by one of his hoodies, I got the hint and put it on.

It was a three hour drive to the airport from where i was living. We still had an hour left until we would get there so I decided to grab my sketch book and draw the landscape.

I could see that Alessandro had a clearly etched smile on his face, he must have really missed me. In all honesty I just want to get this over with I know that I am most likely not going to get the best reaction out of the rest of my brothers.

"Alessandro, why did you come and get me?" I asked in English for the first time today.

"I love you and we have been searching for you since dad died four years ago. I found you and saw your criminal record, but I wanted you to meet and live with your brothers so this morning I got mum to sign over guardianship of you to me." He said as if it were the most normal thing he had done.

"So you know everything?" I asked scared to hear his response.

"Yes I know that you have been in and out of juvie since you were nine because of dealing drugs, I also know that Paul mum's boyfriend was also arrested for illegal possession of drugs and I most importantly know that the assault charge mum had against you was fake and that they had looked in  multiple times due to abuse allegations." He said with the most blank look on his face.

"Well I don't wish for any of my actions to effect you or you're image." I slowly exhaled.

"You will not have any effect on our image you are our little sister. We all love you, Dante can't wait to meet you again." He said seriously.

"Dante was always my favourite mum hated that I loved him the most, he is what sixteen now." I said remembering why mum took me away from them another thing she had let slip while she was drunk she hated how close I was to all of the boys, I was never really a mum's girl.

"He will be you two share a birthday at the end of this week." Alessandro said parking the car as we had arrived at the airport, I grabbed my bag before throwing it over my shoulders and grabbing my leather jacket from it. I put my leather jacket on over Alessandro's hoodie.

I have an image here and I would like to keep that image up for everyone, living in rural Texas showed me that everyone know everyone's dirty little secret and if you become a secret keeper you only need to say a light threat and people finally become scared of you for the right reasons.

Alessandro led me on to the plane, which I don't doubt is ours, we sat down on the sofa thing. Alessandro pulled out his laptop and began working I just sat on the other side of the sofa thinking over everything that has happened. I got out of juvie a month ago and now I am going to live with the Spanish mafia and my brothers, also I only just found out my dad is dead.

I pulled on my hair as I felt my anxiety worsen, I felt like I needed to scream, I sat on the ground next the sofa trying to breathe and calm my anxiety. After ten minutes of shaking Alessandro looked up from his work and saw that I was sat on the floor shaking and trying to ground myself in anyway possible.

"Hermana necesito que te calmes, por favor. Está bien, nombra cinco cosas que puedas ver." He said slowly lowering himself next to me. 
(Sister I need you to calm down please. Okay, name five things you can see.)

"No puedes tocarme, puedo verte, el sofá, el piso, la ventana y el avión." I said panting between each word. He slowly removed his hand from my shoulder letting my calm down slightly.
(Can you not touch me, I can see you, the sofa, the floor, the window and the plane.)

"Buena, ahora puedes nombrar cuatro cosas que puedes tocar?" He asked it was like he knew exactly what to do.
(Good, now can you name four things that you can touch?)

"El suelo, mi pelo, mis pantalones y mi chaqueta de cuero." I said, it seems like a family trait to speak in Spanish when we are stressed.
(The floor, my hair, my pants and my leather jacket.)

"Lo estás haciendo muy bien ahora, ¿puedes nombrar tres cosas que puedes escuchar?" He asked as I leant into his body letting him touch me.
(you're doing great now, can you name three things you can hear?)

"Tu, yo y el motor del avion." I said actually enjoying the comfort him holding me created.
(You, me and the plane's engine)

"Nombra dos cosas que puedas oler" He said running his hands through my hair.
(Name two things you can smell)

"Tu colonia y mi colonia" He looked at me somewhat confused but he didn't ask anything, I wear my old friend cologne because he gave it to me right before he moved.
(your cologne and my cologne)

"Está bien, una cosa que puedes probar" He said smiling.
(It's alright, one thing you can taste.)

"Sangre, me mordí el labio antes." I said using a tissue from my leather jacket to dry the blood from my lip.
(blood, I bit my lip before)























































































































"The coward dies a thousand deaths, the brave but one ."

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