Reviews : a book where I try to review other books

36 | Will she be okay?

By:

First Impression:

Okay uh, there is a lot to unpack here so please bear with me. I will come off a little straightforward or blunt on times so be warned.

I will try my best to point out what to improve on later but first the first impressions.

(Keep in my mind I only read two as I already have notes from those chapters so I refrained from reading more.)

The blurb and the prologue-ish states how Nivi, our main character, and her mental health struggles and the looming question of whether will she really be okay.

The concept of the story, I'll tackle in it's respective category but for my first impression as a reader, I'd say the beginning I've seen countless times.

Nothing bad about that but when it comes to things that has been done more than others the key to a hook is the way the scene is delivered. (more on this on descriptions.

Pacing

For the two chapters, I can say paces itself way, no time skips (excessive and unnecessary ones tend to irk me) and I think the second chapter ends with a build up to the next which is a great thing imo.

Plot

As I've said in first impression, I've read a couple stories similar to this. Usually fanfics.

Does that mean it's bad? No. Sometimes certain readers prefer a more familiar route and prefer to be familiar with a story but if its the same exact formula...

It tends to get, maybe, uninteresting.

So how to sort of change this

For one, I'd say instead of going straight to the fighting, maybe build up to that point first.

Perhaps, Nivi is searching for a job. (Since she's in her twenty something)

This establishes she isn't a teen.

Hence the actions of the father with the phone checking really screams 'too strict and horrible.'

Perhaps, when her father takes her phone he mocks her for her job choices. Tells her how she'll never get them.

In other words, verbal @bu$e (tried filtering it which I've never done since i dont write this word often so apologies.)

And so one things leads to the other and until the next scene.

This way there was a topic to begin with, a reason for the readers to think how messed up her parents are. This 'inner circle' information about why the guy was angry (although unreasonable)

Gives the readers something to say other than 'oh so he's horrible because of his physical actions towards Nivi.

In shorter words, giving depth to a characters actions can really help the readers feel more into the story and choose who to root for.

Or maybe in two words: Conversation starters.

Characters

Nivi , I've only read two chaps  so other than she's not exactly happy I have nothing much to say for her character.

But if you wish I say my thoughts of her in a more reader way, I'd say she doesn't really show character even on the first chap.

Of course the defense like its the first chap give the character time to grow on you, which I always think to myself, I still think the first impression of a character is important.

Think of characters in shows that people favor most, on some cases their reasons as to why they favor this character is because of their first impression of them.