The Smirking Jerk (Blake's POV)

Chapter 89

Chapter 89

Somehow, Josh and my parents had managed to convince me to throw the party for my birthday, and it was already well underway as I sat on a stool, a bottle of Gatorade in my hand instead of the cups with beers my friends had.

Of course, in normal circumstances, my birthday wasn't an event that was skipped. It had been an excuse for my friends to throw big parties with my parents' funding it in the past.

But this year, I had no interest in entertaining my friends. I wanted to hide in my room, or run on my treadmill.

Most of the time I was running.

It didn't exactly make me happy, but it helped me feel more at ease in my head.

And I was looking for peace of mind now, not being surrounded by people partying and in a good mood, when my life felt like it had fallen apart in the last two weeks.

I was getting better. I could feel that much. But I knew it would actually be easier if I was far away from here. If I wasn't worried that any time I turned a corner I would come face to face with Lexi at school. If I didn't second guess where I could eat for lunch so I wouldn't see her. If I didn't lay in bed at night, trying to forget that she'd been in this room before.

I didn't like the person that obsessing over Lexi had made me become. I wanted to be far from here so I could start new.

I'd actually been debating about giving her the letter I'd written or not. Maybe I could send it to her before getting on the plane. That way I wouldn't have to confront her after that.

I was not strong enough for that.

I was feeling better though. I was actually accepting the fact that Lexi would never be mine now. I was at peace with it, really.

So I certainly didn't need a party to remind me of how low I'd been. This was no cause for celebration.

But still. I humoured my parents. I humoured Josh.

Speaking of Josh, I had no idea where he was. He said he'd gone to get a birthday present for me, and that was like almost half an hour ago, and people were coming in, trying to speak to me, screaming around me, having fun, and I wasn't actually having fun and I wanted to just go hide in my own room.

We'd used the guesthouse for the party.

The place had been decorated, food and drinks had been bought. People had dressed up, looking forward to this moment.

And I was just sitting there, thinking about the fact that my parents should have just sent Kendall to stay here to begin with. If she hadn't been in our house, Lexi never would have seen her, and things would have gone differently. Or maybe if I'd been honest with her sooner, maybe things would have been okay...

Probably not though. Definitely not. If I'd been honest with her, she just would have been disgusted with me more quickly. She'd made it abundantly clear that my past mistakes made me gross and awful.

And why was I even thinking about this right now?

Hadn't I just been thinking I was doing better and moving on?

What a joke I was.

This was what happened when I wasn't running or keeping busy thinking about my travel plans.

"Have you seen Alex?" Jimmy yelled to Peter over the music blasting.

Peter made shocked face. "Yeah, you think it's a joke?"

"It has to be. Right? Right?"

"What are you guys talking about?" I asked them, taking a sip of Gatorade.