Chasing Ghosts | Natasha Romanoff

Chapter 71: Train To Moscow

This chapter is a complete mess. I don't really like it, but oh well.

Katya wished she would have woken up by the alarm. And if she wished something as awful as that, you know she was woken by something worse than that. Way worse.

For once, her sleep was okay. Her stomach was calm, her brain at peace. But it seemed that when one of them felt good, the other felt bad.

One glance at the clock told her it was four AM. Four AM and her wife was trembling beside her. What was wrong with her today? What had triggered both this and the panic attack?

Katya wiped the sleep out of her eyes, turning around from being spooned. "Nat? Nat," she whispered, her heart shattering at the faint whimpers coming from her partner's lips. Beads of sweat had formed on her forehead, face contorted into a tortured expression. Obviously, a nightmare.

Pushing herself onto her elbow, Katya trailed her fingers over her face and kept trying to wake her with her voice. But it wouldn't work. So, she resumed to shaking her softly, then harder, until Natasha's eyes finally flew open, and she shot up in bed.

That's when the erratic panting started, adrenaline pushing through her veins as she tried to find her bearings, fisting the covers. Katya always helped her by telling her before her brain could figure it out.

"It's Kat.'' She sat cross-legged now, keeping her hands to herself to avoid being a trigger. ''You're in Russia on a holiday trip. Saint Petersburg. It's four in the morning." 

Natasha didn't look at her. She couldn't. Her wide eyes stared at the door, filled with fear. It took over her body and thoughts. "Maya," she breathed.

So a dream about Maya had her shaking in fear.

"She's fine. She's sleeping in her room across the living room," Katya tried to calm her, but Natasha was already throwing the covers off.

"I need to check-"

Drunk on sleep and the nightmare, Natasha stumbled through the dark apartment. Surprisingly, Maya didn't wake up when she pushed through the door. Adorable little snores left her parted lips, completely in dreamland as she hugged her stuffed animal.

Katya appeared next to Natasha in the doorway, smiling at the sight. "See? We're all okay. You're okay," she whispered lovingly, softly closing the door and pulling Natasha back to bed. She gently pushed her to sit on the edge of it, peeling her sweat-drenched shirt off and running a wet washcloth over her chest, neck, back and face.

Natasha let it happen. Let her grip her chin and tip her head up so she could clean it better. They didn't speak. Not until Katya pulled a fresh shirt over her head and they settled under the covers. She let Natasha cuddle up to her however she wanted, which meant she had to be the big spoon this time.

Absentmindedly, the redhead played with the fingers of the arm Katya had wrapped around her, tugging her backwards into her chest. "Your fear of anything happening to her, transferred onto me," she mumbled, images of Maya disappearing flashing behind her eyelids every time she blinked.

Katya kissed the back of her neck. "Sorry, honey. I get it. No need to talk about it if you don't want to."

Without another breath wasted, Natasha fell asleep, safely in the arms of her wife, even though her worries weren't for herself. Nothing were to happen to her little girl. Nothing. She was willing to set the world on fire to keep Maya safe.

When they woke up - by their alarm this time - she didn't speak about what happened, so Katya let it slide too. If she wanted to talk, she'd know where to find her.