Ximena (he-men-a) Bedoya
Ximena- one who hears
no one has ever bothered to listen to Ximena but she always listens to them for this reason Ximena has a dark past no one would hear her enough to hear the truth
I received a text from an unknown number that's when the anxious feeling kicked in. My anxiety meds don't always have a good result meaning I have really bad anxiety attacks.
Around tea time I got out my drink for tea, as my brothers were dishing up my hands began to shake aggressively.
I gave up trying to hold my drink at this point and just rested my head on the table.
Santiago came next to me.
"Are you ok?" He asked concerned, I just stared ahead, AJ was the only person I knew that is able to calm me down from these attacks.
"Drink," he said somewhat sternly, I just rested my hand on his and he felt how badly I was shaking.
The cogs in his head must have started churning, the dissociating, the shakes and the lack of appetite all red flags for anxiety.
I must have been long gone because I was broken out of the attack by AJ he was doing what we had to do last time.
It's an annoying process, first he rocks us side to side swaying my focus, then he ask me to follow his breathing while also doing the 5,4,3,2,1 method before finally asking if I have taken my meds. Being diagnosed with anxiety from the age of six isn't always a good thing because my attacks while on the meds are worse the longer I am on them.
My brothers look confused by the mention of medication.
"What does he mean by meds?" Alessandro asks.
"I was diagnosed with anxiety when I was six, I have been on medication since then. You just witnessed one of the attacks I can have while still taking the meds the longer my body depends on the pills the worse my attacks are. AJ is the only one able to calm always has been that way." I said resting back against AJ's chest.
"I am going to text my mum and tell her I am staying for the night." AJ told me before he moved, during my anxiety attacks movement that is sudden and unexplained scares me.
I had calmed down and the next day everything was back to normal. No one had school today so we were all home except Dante.
I woke up, did my usual workout then decided to check in on Ace who I had been training of a nighttime.
I changed into a comfortable workout outfit.
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Ace no longer attends school due to dropping out for many reasons, when I walked in I was shocked to see Lorenzo.
"Hey sis thought you were at home?" He said smiling.
"I thought you were too, I came to see how Ace is doing." I said walking to were Ace normally trains but he wasn't there so I looked around he wasn't here. Weird but that means I can train today.
I walked to the shooting range and pulled my own gun from where it was hidden in the side of my pant leg.
I noticed that there was a man observing me. I pulled my headphones from my bra and put them in before putting on the ear defenders.
I hit the traget exactly where I wanted it every time not missing a single shot.
I walked down my lane which was walled off to inspect my aim, there was only one bullet hole in the target.
I smiled at myself, over the years of having to handle a gun I have never been this clean with my shot.
The guy who had been watching me closely was stunned, he stood with his mouth agape.
Was I that good a shot.
"You okay there?" I asked laughing at his expression.
"Fine just shocked at how good your aim is I am nowhere near that good and I am like twice your age." He said in shock.
"Wait you're 36?" I said shocked.
"Give or take but yes." He said smiling at me.
"How long you been shooting for?" He asked me.
"Since I was eight, mum got involved with the wrong crowd meaning I was forced to work for a mafia drug lord and grow up way faster than I should have." I said calmly as he stared at me somewhat intimidating me.
He just left me standing there like a fool I had tears running down my face, I left the room and went to the punching bag.
I was beating the shit out of the punching bag when Lorenzo came up behind me and held my arms so I couldn't get more hurt.
"Why are you doing this?" Lorenzo asked.
"I have social anxiety so when I tell people something I worry about it for so long and everything is just becoming so annoying. I have had to fight for everything in my life I have a degree in law and I am working on an arts degree but everywhere I go I am questioned doubted by my peers. Even here my first time in here I had to prove myself to everyone, then worst of all today I was on the range shooting some guy watched me was impressed then asked how I was so skilled before walking away shaking his head as if I had lied to him. I have had piles of pressure and all sorts of shit to deal with but men thinking I am just a joke is causing me a massive problem." I vented as Lorenzo continued holding in me so I wouldn't break the punching bag.
Lorenzo hugged me and collected my things before guiding me to his and Leonard's office.
"The coward dies a thousand deaths, the brave but one ."
