To have and to loathe

• 𝐂hapter 59

"Of course, he's going to be there." Lesley's voice rang through the cell phone's speaker. "Why else would his mother invite you."

"I don't know." I shook my head, glancing from the phone that was sitting on my bed to my reflection in the mirror.

The dress was a nice fit and gave me a presentable shape even though my seven months old belly protruded forward.

"What are you going to do when you see him?"

Lesley's question made me pause. Since last night, my body vibrated with tension over the thought of seeing Killian again but now that I thought about it, what the hell was I supposed to do when I saw the father of my child who claimed he loved me but nearly exterminated me in bed?

I shook the unwanted memory away. If I wanted to be logical I would've returned to him a long time ago because having a baby alone was terrifying and being pregnant with a broken heart was worse.

But I didn't want to be logical. I wanted to be emotional and selfish. I was simply going to—

"You're going to run away aren't you?"

She took the words right out of my mouth.

"That's the only thing I can do," I muttered. "I don't think I'm ready to go back to him yet and I know he's going to try to convince me otherwise today which is why I don't want to go but I have to."

"Why don't you just listen to what he has to say?"

"Sometimes I don't get you, Lesley. Are you for me or against me?"

She sighed. "I just want what's good for you. I've been following him up for the past month, that man's a mess."

"And you think I'm not? Lesley, I live in a studio apartment with a butcher and a Vietnamese monk as neighbors, and don't even get me started with the roaches I share my food and space with."

"Hey hey, I'm just saying." She returned. "You're both messed up."

"I'll get over it," I assured her, slicking the deep pitch across my lips and blotting it out with a tissue. "So will he."

When I disconnected the phone, my mind railed around what she'd said and the thought of Killian moving on made an awful emotion come over me like poison. It was so painful that I dismissed it immediately and got up.

The dainty, pale, malnourished image in front of me looked presentable enough. I ran my fingers through my hair, thankful that for once in my life, it stayed in place.

I pushed the phone into my purse, fitted my legs into my two-inch heels, and tried to quell my feelings and pull a mask over myself before I stepped out.

Outside, there was a car waiting for me and a man standing beside it. I didn't need to enquire since it had the Fobster emblem on it. He opened the rear door of the car and I climbed into the back.