✅ The Last New Start [NaNoWriMo2021]

93. Ready to Learn

Tess stared at her present, not believing what she was seeing. The box was really busy, covered in bubbles about all the features it had, in between pictures of cartoon characters and musical notes. But there was one photo in the middle, crowded in between all the circles and stars. It was a potty, the kind of thing a toddler might sit on when they were too too small to reach the big toilet but didn't need diapers anymore. That was something Tess had never imagined would be inside a present, even when she agreed to have a weird, childlike experience on Christmas day.

She looked at the box, searching for any clue that she might be mistaken. A hint that it might be something else in there, that just happened to look like a potty or had a picture of one on the box. But there was no mistaking it. It could light up, apparently, to make it feel welcoming for a nervous baby. It played a tune to encourage kids to learn to use it, and spoke in the voices of popular characters. There were some numbers on the box, for how big or heavy a kid could be and still sit on the thing. It was made out of plastic, in all different colours so that it looked like Queen Babi's wooden throne, and there were pictures of lots of the cartoon critters from Bibi Babi Miko on the box. Tess was already eager to press the buttons she could see on it, and find out what they did. But they couldn't disguise the fact that the words on the box were all there for grown-ups to read, and that this fancy throne was actually a potty.

Tess couldn't believe that Gabby would have bought her one of those. Even compared to her other presents, this one was weird and unexpected. If she was giving Tess a potty, surely that meant that she didn't need diapers anymore; and before long she would be able to go by herself like a big girl. She knew it was something that most people would learn to do, but it was such a big deal. How could she go potty by herself? It was such a scary thought, it would be a completely new thing to her. And she couldn't believe that Gabby thought she was ready for that. Tess didn't know if she could, but she was determined to try. She had a chance to prove that she was a big girl now, and she knew she had to try as hard as she could if she wanted to use the new potty. This would be her big chance, she thought. If she could learn to use the potty like a big girl, then perhaps she could get Gabby to stop calling her a baby.

It wasn't quite that simple. Tess opened the box, but there was another box inside for her to open. She struggled, and she kept trying, but she couldn't seem to grab the edges. It was weird that she couldn't get it open, but she didn't know what to do to change that. Gabby asked if she needed help from a grown-up, and she said no. She wanted to prove that she was a big girl. She needed to get her potty out and use it, just to prove that she was old enough now. But she kept on trying, and it was always the same.

Eventually she gave up. She asked for help, and when Gabby called her a good girl it seemed that everything was right with the world again. She checked on Ffrances, and found out that the baby was still happy playing with the presents she already had. And then Gabby offered the box again. This time Tess just had to hold it, and Gabby took the box off from the outside. It was a little bit weird, but it didn't take long before she had a box that was properly open. A box that was full of all kinds of pieces, and she didn't know what any of them were.

It was good that Gabby was there. She understood. She could open the little book, and there were pictures of a load of different pieces. Tess found the bits in the pile on the floor, and Gabby stuck them together. It was like magic, watching all these bits of plastic turn into a throne. But minute by minute, piece by piece, it got closer to completion. Before long it would be all built, and then Tess could show off what a big girl she was.

She hoped it would be soon. The number of pieces still on the floor was small; still more than Tess could count just by looking, and perhaps even more than she could count, even using every single finger. But she knew it was a smaller pile than it had been, and she wasn't going to give up yet. She couldn't; the potty already looked like a proper throne. Even the pieces of wood at the back were there, all clipped together. Every time, Gabby would point to a little picture in the book; a piece drawn in black and white with thin lines. And when Tess gave her that bit, she would clip in onto the potty with a click and a pop, and then it was just a part of the whole thing. Tess couldn't even see where some of them had gone, but she knew it must be soon now.

She would need to potty soon as well. The bits that were left would have all fitted in her hands when she realised that she had been hopping from one foot to the other for five minutes. She needed to pee, and she needed to go bad. She just had to work out how to hold it, so she could use the potty like a big girl. She could be big, she could show Gabby to stop calling her a baby. She knew she could do it. But she also knew that Gabby had already told her to have an accident.

Gabby asked for another piece, and Tess just squirmed. She needed to finish the potty, but it was too much. She also needed to have an accident like she had been told, and she couldn't hold it anymore. She felt how it suddenly felt so good when all the pressure inside her went away, and how the warmth in her diaper was so comforting. It made her feel calm and safe, just like any other little baby. She didn't need to talk now; she couldn't even think in words. But she knew she was peeing just like Gabby had asked. She was so helpless, and somehow that felt good.

After a few seconds the pee stopped coming. Tess glanced down, and saw that there was no mark on her clothes. The diaper did its job and there were no leaks. That was good, she was too embarrassed to let a grown-up know that she did a weewee in her diaper when she was so close to being able to try the potty. It could be her secret, and she thought it wasn't going to happen again. She could be a big girl soon.

The diaper was warm, and kind of comfy. That was something she didn't think about much, but now there was nothing for her to do except think about how it made her feel. Small, controlled, safe, and helpless. Giggly too. She was a little baby girl, and she hadn't learned to use her new potty yet, but she still knew it was only Gabby's magic words that had made her have an accident this time. That was kind of funny; it didn't quite add up, so the only thing she could do about it was laugh. Maybe after she grew up some, she would be able to understand again why that was so funny.

"All done!" Gabby's words got Tess's attention again, and she saw the throne standing there. It was just like the one in the cartoon, except that there was plastic that looked like wood instead of real wood, and a seat that lifted up. And there was a bit sticking out on one side with three big buttons on it. Tess wondered what they did, and reached out for them automatically. But she was a little bit too far away, and Gabby was still talking there. She said they were going to put it in the bathroom; and asked if Tess was big enough to go to the bathroom when she needed to pee.

"Yeah!" she started, and then thought again. She didn't need to pee now because she just had an accident, but she didn't want to tell Gabby that. What could she say instead? "Yeah! I can go the bathroom like a big girl. I'm gonna go, and then you know I'm nearly grownup!"

Gabby carried the potty towards the bathroom. There was a corner where it fitted neatly, with rubber feet to stop it sliding across the tiles. Tess had tried to help, but all the could do was grab at her new toy as they walked to the other room, and she wasn't sure that was actually helping. But now it was here, and it was real. She could show off what a big girl she was, now she was finally old enough to try a proper potty.

"Do you want to give it a try now?" Gabby asked. "How long is it since you wet?"

"I didn't! I'm a big girl now!" Tess protested automatically, and then realised that there was no way she could keep pretending. Still, she couldn't tell Gabby the truth. Not yet. Maybe when she'd learned to use the potty she would learn a new way to hide her accidents too; she had to hope so.

"We'll have to see how big you are." Gabby was laughing now, and waited a little to rein in her sense of humour before she continued. "The first step in learning to use the potty is noticing when you need to pee. Do you need to go?" Tess thought a few minutes, but she couldn't really tell. She couldn't feel anything like that, but she knew that feeling it would help her prove what a big girl she was. Not to mention just how impatient was feeling now. She'd opened her potty nearly an hour ago, or at least a few minutes, and she hadn't even used it yet. She wanted to fix that as quickly as possible.

"Yeah," she nodded. "I gotta go potty. Like a big girl. Can I do that?"

"Of course you can. Maybe I better help you, while it's your first time. Is that okay too?"

Tess could only nod, feeling her blushes grow again. She was so excited that she was going to go in the potty now, it was hard to pay attention to anything else. And she knew she would need a little bit of help to learn how to use it, but that was what Gabby was there for. So she agreed that she was ready, and Gabby helped to take her diaper off, then guided her to sit down on the potty. It was kind of comfy, but there was a gap in the seat, so there was nothing under her bum. That felt super weird, but as Gabby helped her to sit in the right place her mind was overwhelmed by the excitement of knowing just how close she was to being a big girl.