Childish

41

I faked being asleep in the car so I didn't have to talk to Alex. I didn't want to ruin their excitement because they deserved to be excited. But I wasn't and I didn't want that to be known just yet.

Alex carried me into the house and laid me on the couch. He grabbed the soft blanket from the back of the couch and spread it over me.

I opened my eyes as he walked away but didn't account for him stopping and walking back over to me. I quickly shut my eyes again, hoping it wasn't too obvious that I was faking and he might just drop it.

Instead, he grabbed my bunny from my hands and pulled it out of my grasp. He stepped just far enough out of reach that I couldn't get my bunny back without getting off the couch. And I couldn't do that.

I whined and reached out toward him after my bunny.

He sat down on the coffee table and set my diaper bag down on the floor beside him. "What's going on?"

"Why did you take my bunny?"

"You've been quiet all afternoon. I know that isn't like you. So what's up?"

I shrugged, hoping I didn't look as upset as I felt inside. I didn't want him to know all of this baby drama bothered me. "I'm just tired."

"No, when you're tired, you're cranky. You're not being cranky, Lyla."

I lifted my hands up in frustration. "I don't know then. I don't know what to tell you."

He studied me, trying to figure out what my deal was. He knew me better than anyone and as much as I tried to deny it, he could figure out what was wrong. "Is this about the baby?"

I lowered my eyes and felt my shoulders drop. I should've tried to control my emotions better. It was so easy for him to pick up that I was upset. I didn't even stand a chance.

"Lyla, we talked about this. Why is this still bothering you?"

It shouldn't have been. I shouldn't have felt as... jealous as I was. Ugh, why did this bother me? "Your guess is as good as mine. I just... can't make it go away."

"Are you jealous?"

Even though I was, I hated being called out on it. I crossed my arms over my chest. "So what if I am? I've been an only child my whole life. I'm sure Monica wasn't thrilled when you came along."

He narrowed his eyes at me. "Lyla-"

"Don't 'Lyla' me. I'm sorry I feel this way but I can't help it."

He moved over to sit right beside me on the couch. He set me on his lap and prevented me from moving by holding me where I was. "Lyla, I promise you that nothing's going to change when this baby comes. You'll just have a new kid to play with."

"If he's anything like you, all my stuffed animals will be ruined."

He rolled his eyes. "That was one time, Lyla. And I said I was sorry."

"I'm still mad about it, you know."

He sighed. "Of course you are."

---

Naomi pushed the buggy down the aisle of bread, her eyes scanning for the kind she liked best. I'd only been grocery shopping once or twice with mom and didn't know the store as well as some of the others. Mom just always preferred to shop alone.

My bear sat on the bar of the buggy, just between Naomi's hands. Watching past her, I let my eyes fall on the items on the shelves, the colors blending in with one another until they all became a blur.

I didn't completely volunteer to go grocery shopping with Naomi. When Alex told me she was coming over to apologize, I knew that night wouldn't be the only night that I'd have to be nice to her. I mean, I knew I couldn't be mean to her all the time and it certainly wasn't fair to her for me to do that. But I did have to try to be nicer and put some effort into liking spending time with her.

And it wasn't Naomi that I didn't like. It was the baby. I didn't really like kids and babies but the last year made it literally impossible for me to avoid them. Hell, I was a baby.

And I knew my bad feelings were due to the baby overstepping, in a sense. For so long, it had just been Alex and me. I liked it that way. Even when Naomi came into the picture, she did so from a distance. But once she got pregnant with his baby, it was like it was being shoved in my face and I couldn't get away from it and it frustrated me.

Maybe that was the reason I was so opposed to it.

Naomi stopped at the end of the baby aisle and looked down at me, waiting on me to meet her gaze. "What's wrong, Lyla?"

I looked back down at my bear. "Nothing."

"You're being so quiet. I know that's not like you."

"I'm just thinking..." I changed the subject at the last moment, not wanting to have such a heavy talk with her in the grocery store. "Do you think we can get some ice cream?"

She smiled at me. "Are you allowed to have ice cream?"

I raised my eyebrows at her. Who in their right mind would prevent a kid from having ice cream? "Uh-huh."

She pursed her lips. "I'm not so sure about that. What if I called your daddy and asked him?"

It occurred to me then how I was acting and how I sounded. I knew I looked like a baby but I knew I wasn't. Now... I was acting like one and it made me scared that I was falling into childish habits and taking on a new persona that wasn't me.

I looked like a baby but... now I was starting to act like one. And I didn't know how to stop it.

She patted my shoulder as she pushed the buggy down the aisle. "If we get in trouble for this, I'm taking it and eating it all myself, understand?"

I smiled as I watched the different brands and flavors of ice cream inside the freezers as we went down the aisle. They all looked so good. All ice cream was good, really. Except for pistachio. I mean... who even ate pistachio ice cream and liked it?