seraphic [h.s]

chapter forty.

His eyes were like the sea.

Vibrant. Refreshing. Magical.

But the sea held so much uncertainty, and so did his eyes. Nobody knew what really lurked underneath the ocean water, no matter how clear it was. Sure, it was pretty and had the capabilities to take your breath away, but it could also reel you in and spit you out— if you were lucky.

Harry and I's submerged bodies lay barely underneath the bath water. His tattooed skin a great contrast compared to my almost translucent one. I looked at him while he had his eyes closed, awake but barely. It bugged me that he had sung such a sweet song to me, and yet, he still had intentions to leave. The way he spoke, the longing looks, the never giving fully— it all told me one thing.

Did he know that he was leading me on? At any time did he realise that we had gotten closer than either of us had intended?

And even if I'd demanded him to answer those questions for me now, as he lay so relaxed, I would still be racked with the uncertainty of why I was never enough to fulfil somebody completely.

Never just me.

"I'm not asleep." Harry murmured, his raspiness vibrating around the walls of the bathroom. He peaked an eye open. "I know." I told him, the water swaying just under my chin from my position. My skin was sticky and wet from the steam accumulating within the room, Harry looked the same, though he pulled off the sweaty look far more beautifully than I could.

Maybe Harry would stay, for me. I didn't often let myself think of whether he would or not, but things felt too good with him for me to not dream. He made me feel like I was worth all the love and niceties he gave me, and sure, he didn't love me, but there was no way he didn't at least like me a lot.

But I couldn't ask that of him. I knew we still had more than a few weeks left together, but the time would pass quickly without fail.

"I can feel the intensity of your thoughts from over here." Harry moved and the tub squeaked, his lips pulling up in a smirk even though he was trying to fight it. "I don't want to go back," I sighed, "I like being with you and pretending I have my life together." It was a nice thought indeed. No whispers of my failure and how little I'd yet achieved. No constant pressure about what on earth I'd do next.

We were surrounded by quietness and it was my favourite feeling in the world. "You don't have to pretend," Harry said, "your life is together." He was being serious. I knew my life was together enough for me, just not those around me.

And it was irritation more than anything that always got to me, the reoccurring thoughts of, well maybe I should care more? But I didn't have the strength in me to care more about anything than I already did. I was giving it everything I had, it was enough for me.

"You know, sometimes it slips my mind that you're known around the world. The world, H, that's crazy. You have the whole world behind you." Pushing myself up, I stood tall, the water dripping down me in trickles. Harry rose his head to meet my eyes, never failing to give me the attention I wasn't used to. "And why does that matter right now, baby?" He asked with concern. He didn't need to be worried about my sudden revelation, it washed over me like everything else.

Stepping over the tub, still as gracefully as I could, my feet were planted on the warm mat as I leaned forward for the towel hanging behind the door. I wrapped myself into the softness. Drying my soaking body. Harry was quick behind me, getting out of the tub and doing the same. Though quickly his hands settled on my waist. "I almost forgot that you have a life to get back to. You made it so easy for me to be with you, like you don't have the whole world waiting for you to get back to them."