Pride

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Thomas Samuels 

Making mistakes is easy enough, it doesn't take a lot to make a decision you make. But to correct or rectify that decision is something else entirely. What words do you whisper to turn the tides? What actions can you do to take away the pain that you caused someone? Pain that was certainly undeserved. The pain I have from the decisions I made was something was truly something I deserved after everything I did. 

When I first met Ellie, I didn't know much about her. All I knew was that she was the niece of my Beta. James spoke about her often but I never really took the time to listen. The only thing I could remember that he told me was that he loved her so much and that she lived with her grandparents before she went off to college. I still remember James asking for time off before she came to the pack. He had this glint of happiness in his eyes and this sense of pride that was scattered on his face. He was so happy that Ellie had completed her studies and that she would be returning home. I remember him complaining to the Gamma that he wanted her to stay on pack grounds but that he had doubts she would leave his parents. From what I had gathered, she was settled in the human world. 

It wasn't that I had a lot against humans, but I could never comprehend why a wolf would choose to remain outside of a pack. They were one step away from being rouges. The wolves that I had met from quarterly check-ins all seemed content and happy with their life and I remember often looking down on them thinking, "What's so great about the human world anyway?" I mean we never conversed with humans outside our pack, the few that we did come across often looked down at us or thought our living situation was weird, they would compare us to cults. Then there were the humans who were hunters, who knew our secrets and would attempt to kill at any given chance. For me, Hunters had only increased my disliking for humans. For they were the reason that Grandfather had died. Bar my mother, he was the closest family member I had. 

When Ellie walked into the room trailing behind her Uncle, her eyes widened and I couldn't help but look at the beautiful woman that stood in my doorway. Her red hair was bright and vibrant, her skin was so white and clear from the slightest blemish and her eyes well they were out of this world. I couldn't tear my stare away from her as the hammering in my chest began to quicken. It was then that my wolf shouted in glee and delight, "Mate!"

However my stuttering heart had immediately stopped when my fiancé and Luna stood in the doorway reminding me of our plans for dinner. I saw the crestfallen look on Ellie's face but at the same time I couldn't have her as my mate. She had no idea what was involved in running a pack, she had no clue on how to be a leader. She looked frail and weak. Plus as she lived with humans who knew what trouble she would bring to our doorstop. I knew that I had to think about the pack and what was right for them. They already had a Luna, one that they were familiar with, one that integrated into the pack. They loved Chloe, she was everything I wanted in a Luna. 

It was then that I made the decision that I would reject my mate, I would reject Ellie. For I had to think about my duty as an Alpha and a leader to my pack. I knew that people would be sceptical about having an outsider as their Luna. She was someone we didn't know, as I let my gaze linger on her, I could see she would be nothing but a burden on my pack, she would not be able to protect them like Chloe would. 

When she asked why she would not be accepted as my mate and Luna she surprised me as she gave me a curt nod and then said words that were completely unexpected to me. Her words were spoken calmly with grace, elegance and patience. Rather than scream and shout, she simply spoke words that were like daggers to my heart. For there was nothing untrue about the words that left her mouth.

"As an Alpha, you are not a very good role model to your pack. I may not have grown up or been raised in a pack but I understand and comprehend the role of mates. As an Alpha surely it is your duty to follow the laws of the land to treasure the mate bond. Even I know that it is one of our most sacred laws. As for your relationship, it was your foolish decision to be with someone who you knew was not yours. You knew the repercussions of choosing to enter a relationship and cause pain not only to your chosen but to your true mate. You know nothing about me so for you to make the judgement unworthy is despicable. Finally, the Goddess chose me for a reason and whether you like it or not, she must have had a good explanation for pairing us together." Ellie explained.

"I will not question your decision or try to change your mind. I have more self-respect for myself than that. All I know is that your reasons are merely excuses. However to make this easier for you and your chosen mate. I will be relocating to a new area so this will be the last time that you see me. Apologise to your wolf for me, for he does not deserve the pain that you will put him through." She finished. 

Despite, my wolf's protests and anger, I managed to pull through and say the words that would snap the bond between me and Ellie. I expected her to cry, to shout, to insult me to my core but she simply returned the rejection without a tear in her eye. She then did the most unexpected thing and accepted my rejection and returned my rejection. With that I felt an indescribable pain in my chest, but I refused to show her my pain because once again my pride got the best of me.  

I didn't realise that after my rejection that she would leave and never return. My wolf started to segregate himself from me, he refused to give me mouth, howling and snarling in my mind that it was my fault his mate had left him. The once close bond with my wolf became fragmented, that I struggled to control him, to tame him. Anytime Chloe would try to get close or try to initiate intimacy, he would simply threaten to kill her. So the woman I choose to be with, was now someone I could no longer seek comfort from. For I couldn't risk my wolf killing an innocent who was caught in the crossfire of man and wolf. 

Soon minutes, hours, then days past by and the inner turmoil I felt didn't ease, if anything it grew, it manifested. My heart no longer belonged to the woman who I had proposed to, the woman I promised to cherish when I got down on one knee and made her my Luna. My heart belonged to a woman who was no longer mine, she had disappeared in the blink of an eye. I tried to speak with my Beta about Ellie but he refused to share information me with. I suspected he was aware of the rejection but my pride would not allow me to confront his hostility. He was polite but I sensed that he no longer respected me as an Alpha. For I knew that I had hurt his niece and even though he had duties to the pack, he would never let me harm her again. 

In the two years that Ellie has disappeared, the pack began to fall, the cracks began to form. The land was no longer filled with abundance of greenery and crops, but was now sparse and dry from droughts. There were numerous attacks as we were targeted by not only Rouges, but Hunters. It was like then could sense our weakness. Even I felt empty and old, I had aged too much over these years. Still there was nothing I could do, only defend my pack, even if I was weak. 

After consulting with my father, we decided that we needed to gain allies and call in favours to help us survive as the pack numbers were slowly dwindling. It was then that a warrior showed up and announced in front of the pack that their Luna was his true mate. Whispers and shouts followed through the pack, for they refused to believe that the people they trusted would lie to them. I know that Chloe tried to reject him but he refused. I could sense that he too had a sense of pride vibrating through him that rivalled my own. He was forced off our lands, with his Alpha apologising for his warriors rude and abrupt behaviour. I thought that was the end of it, but wrong was I. 

A few days later, the Council turned up as allegations were presented that the Alpha had stolen someone else's mate. It was then that I realised the game was up and we were caught red handed with no where to hide. For neither Chloe or I, could avoid the Elder's questions. It was then that it was decided that they would send the Head of the Council to deal with this matter. All they requested was the name of my true mate. It was then that I spoke her full name out loud for the first time in two years. 

"Elenor Richards."


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