Issue #49: Lady Jane

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We almost made it to Gotham, making our way through Philadelphia. It was me and Livewire up front, Livewire driving, me giving her directions. Everyone else was asleep. We were listening to Metallica's Last Caress/Green Hell cover. We were quiet for a bit as we got onto the highway.

"So you never answered my question." She spoke up. "Joker. You ever meet 'im?"

"One time, yeah. I had a friend who went to her cousin's birthday party one year. They hired a clown as the entertainment and it turned out the clown was actually Joker in disguise. Her uncle was apparently a fireworks dealer that backed out of a deal with The Joker and Joker doesn't take no for an answer. Of course Batman saved the day and all and I had to pick her up since she wanted nothing to do with anyone in her family at that moment. Before we left I saw Batman dragging Joker out. And as he did I noticed something that I'll be honest, I kinda envied."

"Envied? What, his skin care routine?"

"No but can we talk about that? He hasn't looked like he's aged once in the last 15 years."

"Even Joan Jett would be jealous."

"But what I noticed was how everyone reacted when he was brought out. Everyone was cheering and laughing at Joker's expense. Everyone was smiling and he was smiling back. This is what he wanted. And I wanted that too. Before my accident I always just wanted to make people happy. Sure he terrorized them all at first to get there but he still got them all to smile. I guess I kinda felt a form of relatability as an entertainer of some sort. Funny enough when I went to college I didn't even wanna be a psychologist, I wanted to be a horror novel writer. But anyways for a brief second he looked over at me and smiled. But it was a wider one than the one he already had on his face because I think he knew I wasn't really laughing at him but with him at the fact he had everyone in the palm of his hand."

"I'd call you sick if I didn't get it. The roar of the crowd and everything. Reminds me of this time a band threw a gig for me when I got outta prison the first time. I may be a cunt, but even being able to inspire so many people warms my heart. You ever write anything down?"

"What do you mean?"

"For the books you were gonna write. You ever write anything?"

"I started one but didn't get past development. Working title was either 'It Pays to Be a Hack' or 'Hack'. Basically the idea was for a group of vain self-absorbed wannabe actors all sign a deal to be in a slasher movie. They all come in with their own fake killer and the one the director likes the most is told to kill the other actors. The whole thing is recorded and turned into a movie and no one cares about the people that died to make it except the final girl. Everything else got kinda sidetracked by the being turned into a psycho killer."

"That actually doesn't sound half bad. I'd say I'd read it but I ain't much of a book person, mostly just autobiographies. I think the last one I read was Hepatitis Bathtub. But I guess I'd watch the movie."

"I wouldn't. Horror's been shit since the early 2000's. Only person I'd trust with it is me." I said. The radio started playing St. Anger and Livewire groaned.

"Change the channel before I get hearing AIDS." She said and I laughed at the absurdity of the line before changing the channel. On it Hells Bells by AC/DC was playing. "Turn it up turn it up turn it up!"

"I think I'd rather listen to Jane's ominous threat of 'you won't like who comes out when you wake me up'." I insisted. Livewire looked back and mouthed "Bitch" at Jane's sleeping body. "So question, Rolling Stones seems a little out of the ordinary for a rock n roll Mount Rushmore made by you. Why wouldn't you put someone like Mötley Crüe? Especially since they have a song called Live Wire?"

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