Fragments Of A Broken Mind

XCVIII

Staring at the ceiling,

Wondering where I went wrong.

Wondering when it was

That I let my heart decide?

Wondering how I reached here.

How I became this.

This broken shell

Of utter disappointment.

This drenched human

That gives rise to absolute disgust.

I'm laying on my bed,

Staring at the ceiling,

Wondering when I let my pretty smile

Get turned into hateful glares?

Wondering how I let myself

Get so absorbed in my pain

I've hurt everyone else.

I've become the one thing

I told myself I wouldn't let anyone see.

I've become sad

And, I've shown everyone

That I'm too tired to fix it.

I've let my walls down

And, they've come in to break me.

So, as I lay on my bed

And stare at the white ceiling

I wonder how is it

That they don't see 

How utterly shattered I already am.

Cause they've got their hammers ready

And their muscles oiled.

They've got cuss words on their tongues

And, disgust written all over their face.

But, they've never stopped to look,

To see how tired I really am.

Tired of blocking out their nose,

Tired of smiling through the blows.

Tired of saying I'm fine

As I turn black and blue.

My thoughts, 

They don't stop for a minute

They just hit and hit 

As soon as my wall's down.

And, can you blame me 

For not having the strength 

To keep my walls up while I'm alone?

Cause I'm alone, now.

Laying on my bed

And, staring at the dull ceiling over my head.

And, my thoughts won't leave me alone.

Not when the tears fall

And, not when the blood stains

The white sheets I lay upon.

Cause they've broken me

After they told me 

I was completely wrecked.

They lied to me

And, told me I was utterly useless.

My thoughts have the hammer, now.

But, I've got no strength to fight back.

Cause the disgust that they feel?

I will forever be responsible for that.

They told me that.