My Russian Teacher

chapter twenty-two

Natasha:
As Y/N kept mumbling things I noticed her breathing pick up, "Please put me down!" She said in a panicked state. I think the fact that I was holding her was making it worse so I immediately, yet carefully put her down and she collapsed onto the ground, leaning her back up against the car with her knees pulled to her chest. The moment I put her down, she went silent. Her eyes were squeezed shut and she covered her head with her hands as it looked she was waiting for someone to hit her. I slowly crouch down in front of her, "Y/N, you're not there anymore. You're safe now. It's just mama."

I kept reassuring Y/N until she slowly started to come out of it. Eventually she looked up it me and I could see the fear and pain in her eyes. She looked she broken. "You're okay now, sweetheart. You're safe with me." I say gently. Her mouth falls into a frown and she starts sobbing. "It's too much mama. I can't take it anymore. It hurts too much."

"I know. I know it hurts sweetheart." I purse my lips together as I try to hold back my own tears. "It's going to be okay though, I promise you."

I kept on reassuring Y/N as I tried my best to stop her from having a panic attack. Once we got her breathing under control, we got in the car and made our way home.

•••

A few hours later Y/N was curled up on the sofa next to me and occasionally started crying when her mind drew back to the events of this morning. At one point she made herself so sick to her stomach that she threw up. I tried distracting her with stories about Yelena and I when we were kids but I could tell that she wasn't really listening half the time.

Y/N was such a strong girl, but every time something happens that triggers her, it makes me worried that eventually she's not going to bounce back from it. My heart physically hurts for her.

I turned on 'Pitch Perfect' again because I knew that it was Y/N's comfort movies, and honestly it was one of mine too. Her phone rang and she picked up and immediately hung up. A text came through a couple minutes later but she ignored it. I had to put her phone on silent as messages kept coming through for the next ten minutes. When I saw who they were coming from I asked Y/N, "Sweetheart, it's MJ. She's just asking how you are doing."

"I don't want to talk right now." Y/N mumble sadly. "Okay. Do you want me to answer her for you? Just so she knows how you're doing, because I don't think she's going to stop messaging until there's an answer." I chuckle lightly and she nods her head yes. "Thank you." She says quietly. I smile at her, placing a kiss on her head.

•••

The sun began to set so I asked Y/N what she wanted for dinner and she said she wasn't hungry but she hadn't eaten since breakfast this morning so she needed to at least have something light. "What if I make you Mac and Cheese? I'll even use Yelena's recipe since you like it so much." I ask. "Okay." Y/N mumbled. "I'll just be in the kitchen, call out if you need me." I say as i lift her head from my lap and place a pillow under her.

We had practically stayed in the same position all afternoon and Y/N only got up if she needed the bathroom.

As I started on dinner it didn't take long for Y/N to come into the kitchen. "I didn't want to be alone." She admits with a sad smile on her face as she sits down on one of the stools. I smile softly and nod.

"I'm sorry." She says out of the blue. "What for?" I furrow my eyebrows. "For everything, she shrugs, "For being such a burden and for probably causing you so much more stress."

"Y/N, I sigh, "Sweetheart you are not a burden. Please don't ever think that you are. I am the luckiest person in the world to have you as my daughter. You have been the biggest blessing in my life and the moment I found out I got to adopt you was the happiest moment of my life."

Her face falls into a frown as tears start forming in her eyes. I walk behind the counter and engulf her in a massive hug, never wanting to let go. As she cries into my chest I can hear the pain behind them. Y/N has been through a lot, but I don't think I've ever seen her this broken before.

Eventually I continued on with dinner and we went back to the living room to eat and watched the last of 'Pitch Perfect 3' because after watching the first one we decided to watch them all.

I had finished my food and noticed Y/N had barely touched hers, she was just moving her fork around her bowl. "Are you okay, detka?" I ask concernedly. "Yeah. I'm just not hungry." She says. "Can you at least have a few bites? You haven't eaten since breakfast." I ask gently and she nods.

•••

"I'm just going to the bathroom. I'll be back in a minute." Y/N says as she gets up from the sofa. I paused the movie and decided to put her leftovers in a container and then into the fridge so she could have them tomorrow.

It's been nearly ten minutes since Y/N has been in the bathroom so naturally, I go to check on her. "Y/N, you okay in there?" I ask, knocking her door. She didn't answer and I wasn't sure if she heard me so I knocked again. Still no answer. Luckily the door was unlocked, "Y/N, I'm coming in." I say.

I don't know what I was expecting when I opened the door, but it for sure wasn't this.

"Fuck." I mumble to myself.

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hi
sorry that this chapter got so long to get out, but i hope you are all doing well!! :)
Also, I'm thinking of ending this book soon so if you have any ideas on how you'd like it to end let me know x