Shut Up, Padfoot!

96

Despite my body begging for slumber, I stared in the dim hospital room. Remus had turned his chair away from me and slept quietly. The red lights and steady heart rate blinked in the darkness. My nape held the guilt from the words I spoke to Moony. I assumed he would take what I said without any judgment since he's always been like that. Perhaps the time away from each other proved that I wasn't the only one that changed.

My position in my friend group stands unclear to me. Was it worth reuniting with them? Or was it a curse resuming before that wretched afternoon in the train station? I assume gaining their trust back is something I have to work on. Even if they know I'd die for them.

"Cry?" I heard.

His voice was so faint that I thought I imagined it the first time. When he whispered it again, I stood from my uncomfortable chair. I shuffled to the bed and leaned down to catch a clear look of his face.

"Who are you?" he grunted.

Oh! I hadn't let my metamorphmagus unravel. I blinked and felt my hair fall upon my back. Sirius let out a breath and reached for me. His hand wrapped around my forearm.

"Where are we?" he questioned.

"We're at a muggle hospital. I didn't think you would wake up so soon. How're you feeling?" I softly replied.

"Like shit. Can you lay down next to me?" he quickly suggested.

"Uh— I don't know. Are you sure?"

He nodded and I heard him shuffling to the side. A sharp intake of air filled the silence and I grimaced. I don't want to hurt him anymore but he asked so nicely. Carefully, I climbed into the empty side of the cushion. The sheets were warm against my cold skin.

"What's wrong?" he suddenly asked.

I let out a humorless laugh. My throat felt sore and I just wanted to let it all out. Everything's much more complicated. For a moment, we had some time to ourselves at Pandora's. We spent a couple weeks revisiting our connections. I slept by his side every night. But all good things must come to an end.

"A lot. I just hope you get better," I halfheartedly answered.

He let out a hum in response. I let my chin rest upon his shoulder. I tried to make out his facial features in the shadows. Gently, I ran my hand down his forearm until I could interlace our fingers. He reciprocated weakly and sighed.

"I'm sorry, Padfoot," I said.

"For what? You did nothing wrong," he murmured.

"I just... feel responsible for all of this. I'm sorry. And I love you," I desperately told.

It's hard. I feel so torn. I don't know what to say. I can only tell him the only few things that can come out of my mouth. All my thoughts are racing and I can't formulate any of them into words. I'm beginning to regret all of my actions leading up to this.

"Don't be sorry. It's not your fault that bastard has been set on killing you the moment you were born. Nor for the magic you were blessed with," he drawled.

His tone slurred and his breathing slowed. I'm glad he woke up in the middle of the night. I can talk to him just for this moment before he falls asleep again. Having him conscious and by my side makes me feel at ease. But a knot forms in my stomach when I remember that if I was stronger, he wouldn't be injured.

"More like cursed with. It's never really the end if you're strega mortale. And I'm beginning to understand that," I responded.

"You survived longer than we thought you would. You have no idea how relieved I felt when I saw you in London. God, I felt like I was whole again," he confessed.

My eyes glazed over and my heart skipped a beat. Hearing him say that is so reassuring. I was questioning everything. I still am. Losing him for a year and a half showed how lost I am without him.

"I'm afraid the others don't feel the same."

"Just slug 'em. That'll knock the sense into them. They love you, and I do too. Be a badass again, Fawkes," he teased.

I smiled slightly. His other hand came to cover our interlocked ones. His thumb ran along my knuckles and I relaxed into his side. Keeping mind of his wounds, I pressed a kiss to his jaw.

He yawned and turned his head towards me. Sirius' curls tickled my forehead and I finally felt the exhaustion claw into my mind.

All I have to worry about is not hurting him in our sleep. I can worry about that conversation Remus and I will have when we get time alone later. I'll worry about getting shelter in the morning. I'll worry about Tom Riddle after we're awake.

For now, I'm sleeping with my lover until the sun comes up. For now, I am Cry, the hopelessly in love girl. Tomorrow, Fawkes will take on the responsibility of her life as a witch.

-

I rest my head on my arm as I watched the mini ballerina spin in her jewelry box. The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy tune played from within. My pearl necklaces glittered in the candle light. Gold dangling earrings rest on the velvet lining of its compartment.

My tongue swiped along my bottom lip and I tasted my honey flavored chapstick. Just as content as me, Sirius ran his fingers over my new dress laid on the bed. He grazed the lace on the hem and flattened out the wrinkles.

I heard him moving around next to me. The mattress under me shifted and I heard the springs creak. I felt his palm on my shoulder and I let out a breath. The trip to Hogsmeade was fun as it was, but cold. He'd offered to pay for my dress when I looked at it in the window of the shop.

We went in and I tried it on for him. I twirled and he smiled from ear to ear. One particular moment, I turned around and looked at him over my shoulder. I toyed with the cuffs and stared at him under my lashes. His eyes darkened and his smile slightly fell. He had watched my pupils dilate and followed me back into the fitting room.

Now, we rest on my warm duvet. Where he whispered his love for me as the first snowfall of the season began through my window. 

"Time to wake up, doll."

-lana