51 | in my arms

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I sit on my bed, staring at my phone, at the message I just sent to Flynn.

Me: Please don't tell my Dad about what happened tonight with Aiden.

My heart is filled with restlessness. I can't stop thinking about Aiden, it almost takes my mind off the consequences I'll face with my family.

Flynn's reply pops up on the screen, and I swallow.

Flynn: It's him, isn't it?

Flynn: He's the one you like.

I take a deep breath. No matter how messy everything is and how painful it feels right now, I can't deny my feelings for Aiden.

Me: Please don't tell my Dad. Please.

It takes a long time for Flynn to answer, but then his reply comes again.

Flynn: It depends.

Flynn: Is he a good man?

My eyes water again. I should hate Aiden after what he did to me tonight. But deep inside my heart, I know who Aiden really is. I still haven't forgotten the moment I saw him breaking down at the altar two years ago.

That night, it was as if I could rip his chest and see what was inside it. It was as if I could see his heart.

Ever since I saw him at the altar that night, I've always known what kind of man he is, so I answer Flynn's question without a doubt.

Me: He is.

I toss my phone onto my bed and bury my face in my pillow. My tears are flowing, and I let them be. Before I know it, I'm crying to the point that I can't breathe because of my sobs.

I've never cried for a man except for Aiden.

Even two years ago I cried hard for him.

Because I know how much pain he's been through.


Almost a day has passed since I ignored Nevaeh after the party.

What I did to her was the exact thing I was afraid I would do to her, and sorry wouldn't be enough to make up for the horrible thing I did.

Yet, I've been avoiding her.

I didn't go out of my bedroom to have breakfast, lunch, and dinner today. Instead, I'd ordered Ian to bring them to my room.

Now, even though it's almost midnight, I can't go to sleep. The only solution is working, but instead of going to my home office like I used to do, I'm now here in the living room with my books and documents scattered on the coffee table.

Why the fuck did I choose to do my work here?

Because I fucking miss Nevaeh.

Because I'm hoping to see her passing by even though she might only get some water in the kitchen.

It's quite pathetic, isn't it?

I'm such an asshole.

I lean back against the couch and sigh. I close my eyes, running my fingers through my hair. The chaos I did yesterday at the party keeps playing in my head.

It was the result of all the insecurities inside me. It was the result of my fucked up mind.

I'm scared.

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