The Morning Train

12. Hyper aware

The next morning on the train Jamie spotted Casper but didn’t approach him.

‘YOU’RE THE ONE HE LIKES YOU NUMBSKULL!’ Gwen’s words rang in Jamie’s head as she observed Casper and she frowned. ‘Like? Me?’ Jamie questioned in her mind disbelievingly, but because of those words Jamie unconsciously observed Casper the whole train ride.

‘He’s cute’ Jamie observed before being horrified. ‘He’s just turned 19 for god’s sake! Get your head straight Jamie!’ ‘He’s literally a kid’ ‘Oh I forgot my birthday was yesterday, I”m 24 now huh’ ‘19 and 24, yup don’t even think about it, that’s like crushing on your little brother’ Jamie shuddered at that thought and determinedly stopped her eyes from straying to Casper.

Jamie decided not to think about the possibility of Casper liking her anymore but her mind wouldn’t stop conjuring memories of Casper being cute that Jamie finally broke down on her break.

“Am I a pedophile?!” Jamie frustratingly asked loudly to the room and Gwen just so happened to enter the room right at that moment.

“No you’re not you’re just so conscious of your age gap” Gwen sighed and leaned on the wall looking at Jamie with pity.

“Have you finally become conscious of Casper?” Gwen asked.

“Yeah I think but I still can’t think of a reason why Casper would like me at all’ Jamie admitted to Gwen who sighed again.

“Doesn’t he always try to get your attention?”

“That’s normal? I mean we’re friends”

“He was jealous of that guy who gave you his number”

“What?! That’s why he ignored me?! Just kidding, you sure have a wild imagination my friend” Jamie deadpanned but Gwen just continued.

“And lastly he had a sketchbook full of drawings of you, if you still don’t believe he likes you I’m going to strangle you ‘till some sense goes to your brain”

“Wouldn’t that have the opposite effect? If you suffocate me I’ll lose all my remaining senses”

“Can you just shut up and let me talk?”

“I get it, he likes me, now I know, now what?”

“Now what?! Are you kidding me?!”

“I’m serious honey, now what?”

“Well do you like him?”

“I don’t know actually”

“For real?”

“You can’t blame me, I see him as a little brother”

“Does his age really matter? He’s 19 now not 5!”

“He’s still in school”

“He’s already in university!”

“Why are you shouting?”

“Cause you’re frustrating!”

“I know”

“Ugh! Forget it! We’re just going in circles!”

Since that day Casper hadn’t shown himself at the train and the cafe at all so Jamie kept his sketchbook. After a few days of no Casper he just showed up one afternoon at the cafe like nothing happened.

“I was busy with university so I wasn’t able to come here the past few days and I’m sorry I used you as a model for my practice sketches without telling you” Casper apologized sheepishly.

“Its alright kid” Jamie naively accepted his reason and thought, ‘See? I told you Gwen he was just using me as a model for his sketches’

With the sketchbook safely returned to Casper everything went back to how things was before, except that starting then Jamie had become hyper aware of Casper and Jamie had what she called ‘incidents’ where she became extremely aware of Casper.

The first time was when they were gossiping about a shameless couple at the cafe. When the couple walked past them Casper leaned in and whispered to Jamie’s ear. She couldn’t pay attention to what he was whispering though because her the beating of her heart was thumping loudly and she was hyper aware of how good his voice sounds and the feel of his breath on her ear.

Casper burst out laughing at the end of his sentence, sending a burst of hot breath on Jamie’s ear and neck making her shiver and leaving her with mixed feelings. Casper however wasn’t aware of Jamie’s internal dilemma and continued laughing his ass off. ‘What the fuck’ Was Jamie’s last thought about the experience before she was brought back to her surroundings by Casper starting another topic.

The second was when Casper was doing homework at the cafe. He was focused on his laptop and papers while eating a cream bread, unaware of Jamie’s stare. On his next bite there were some cream left on the side of his mouth that he licked clean and Jamie couldn’t help but stare at his lips. She slapped herself afterwards, which earned her some funny looks from the cafe’s customers.

The third time was when Casper fell asleep on his table at the cafe after pulling an all nighter and Jamie went to sit with him on her break. She got bored with her phone after a while and was looking around for something to do when Casper snorted in his sleep, taking Jamie’s attention to him.

With the sun hitting him through the windows his hair looked light brown and soft, so soft and smooth looking that Jamie couldn’t help but run her hands through his hair. Only when Casper made a pleased sound in his sleep did Jamie stopped and quickly stood up and walked away, slapping her flushed cheeks and her traitorous hands on the way to the counter.

It went on like that for a month with Casper being the sole focus of Jamie’s mind. Until one night she dreamed of a six year old Casper, he was so cute that she couldn’t help but squish his cheeks, she was going to hug him next when the six year old Casper jumped away from her and screamed. “Mom! There’s a pedo!”

“I’m not a pedo!” Jamie yelled awake from the dream with droplets of sweat dotting her forehead.

Since waking up from that dream Jamie wasn’t able to fall asleep again and so she went to work looking haggard from so little sleep.