Dreamland Review Archive

Curse of the Clashing Worlds (DS)

Curse of the Clashing Worlds by PearlsByShirl

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Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to read your book. Please, keep in mind that my reading of your story is by necessity a subjective opinion. Your story is beautiful and important to you more than any other story you could have been telling. How I perceived it is very much a matter of my preferences

I have read all 10 chapters of your story available. Your story is dystopian/portal sci-fi so I looked first and foremost at how much the story stimulated my imagination and how important your main character had become to me; how much I wanted to figure out what's going to happen to them, the setting that told me that 'it could possibly happen this way', and if I would be able to remember your story a few months from now.

I rarely see sci-fi in the queue, so I am always excited for it! I think that you chose a solid title for your story, but it doesn't necessarily tell me that it's sci-fi or dystopian. On the other hand, I see a bit of connection to the classic title The War of the Worlds, so I don't think it is something to worry too much about. But if a new title comes along, it wouldn't be a bad thing either imo.

I would suggest looking at your blurb to give it more flow, as it feels more like a collection of fragmented thoughts vs a narrative.

Bathtub cleaners intro feels like a reference to Adams' phone sanitizers so you are defining the voice of your story from the start. Then the narrative switches to the tongue-in-cheek reliance on rats, and rats becoming treasured. This sense of humour of absurdity is preserved in most of the chapters, returning particularly strongly in chapters 9 and 10.

I feel that the hook is well placed at the end of chapter 4 when Sam and his sister discover a secret. I feel that you could have built on it right away, instead of switching to a different POV.

From chapter 7, Sam and Co enter the new world, however, again, without having a chance to root in this new verse, you move the story into yet another POV/timeline.

In chapter 10, now there are 5 characters visiting the parallel universe. Those were all the chapters available, and it felt that the story would start at this point.

Stylistically, around chapters 2 and 3, the narration switches a few times from Past to Present Tense, to end up mostly in Present Tense, so there is this to watch out for, as well as punctuation, since periods are often missing at the end of the sentences.

For ease of reading, while the writing is easy to understand, I found the story a bit hard to read, because it contained only the dialogue layer and simple sequences of actions. Your characters walked in on each other, exchanged dialogue, picked things, went to another place, ate, etc. I was missing more layers to create attachment to any one character and become invested into their doings.

Building in some of that three dimensional feel and emotional connection, would be something I would suggest you give a shot to. If you are coming from mostly consuming your fiction as comic books or anime/movies, I suggest finding a few books you enjoy and see how the writers create the sense of immersion.

I'm not going to mince words: you have your work cut out for you, but I think the off-kilter sense of wonder evident in your story is worth the efforts it would take to bring it to the world.

I hope these notes are helpful as you work on your story.