The Boy Who Solved Crimes

35: Resentment

Amy Bloom

I had a sister once. She used to be kind and I'm not sure what went wrong in our relationship, but she became a completely different person.

I used to do everything for her. I'd drive hours to pick her up from places she wasn't supposed to be at. I always defended her if our parents were yelling at us. I'd lie for her. I helped her when she was applying to jobs, even going as far as writing her entire cover letter. I did so much for her and it was all because my parents expected me to, not because I actually cared about her. And now I regret it all and resent her. But how do you resent someone who is dead?

They expected me to love her and all she did was use me. She expected me to trust her and then she did something unforgivable. Something I, oftentimes, attempt to block out.

But she always wins in the end, she always gets what she wants. I kept my distance from her and she'd only ever get angrier. At one point she'd gotten diagnosed with depression, I guess she got what she wanted in the end with that too.

I'd invite her to events with my friends and she'd switch the venue to somewhere closer to her. I'd be okay with it because I wanted to make her happy, but instead she would use me like I was an old pair of shoes. And now I could see that I was just some obstacle for her service.

There was a point when I'd decided I would never trust her again. Where I would never do anything for her again.

But I'd caved so many times. When she'd found herself in jail for her crimes, I found myself waiting outside, excited to visit her. Too many times. It was about a year, maybe more, I can't remember now, when she'd been in jail for the most heinous crime. She was on death row after her trial and I'd still visit.

She was so kind when she was vulnerable, but as soon as something better came along, she'd completely drop me. She never really had friends in her life, now that I think about it.

She just had people she got close with, then would completely not be friends anymore after a single issue would arise. She'd attempted to do that with me countless times and I could never learn how to deal with her. And it made me resent her even more.

Well, she was gone now. Off the planet in a manic haze and I couldn't understand why I was upset over her death. We never got along, and yet I was always hopeful that we would someday find a common ground. But of course, it was too late now.

All of these thoughts played in my mind as Tyler drove me to only god knows where. I couldn't comprehend how he'd found me or how quickly a normal day had turned into one where I almost got kidnapped.

I tapped my finger on my knee, afraid to speak to my ex-boyfriend. I couldn't understand why Bailey was clouding at my thoughts at this moment. She wasn't even alive anymore and was still ruining my life somehow. I couldn't understand why I even cared so much about her. She never cared about me.

The air conditioning in his car felt like ice, but I didn't say anything. I was surprised he was driving a car that cost more than my whole life.

I was still stunned at what had just happened. The random men who'd attacked me in the rain, blindfolded me and ran. Zya, I believe that was one of their names. I'd write a police report when I got the chance.

I looked over at him, he'd definitely aged well. He had a well kept beard growing now, covering a firm jaw. It was clear he had been working out over the years. His brown eyes looked strained and stressed as he kept them on the road. It was cloudy and the windshield wipers sliced at the water every few seconds.

It began to pour, the rain suffocating the car and I wondered if he could even feel the cold air anymore.

"Do..." I tried to say, my voice coming out raspier than I'd intended. My mouth was so dry. I found myself picking at my fingernails, the skin slowly peeling as I tried to figure out what to say.