the road not taken | h.hj & l.fl

October 07, 1985

October 07, 1985

Of course, I'm not saying that you are "stiff as a tree", you're the one who thought of that. I do remember that moment we shared. Actually, it was a song that I couldn't really remember, but maybe if I get to listen to it, I'll recognize it. It was an upbeat pop song and the vocals were topnotch, but all I could think of was your lousy arm waves. I am not a bad dancer (we both know this), you're just extra better than me.

Now that you reminded me of that shoe, I looked down my bed and checked the little shoebox that we both shared. I opened it without you and I am sorry if I did even though we promised to only open it when we're together. I just really miss you, I guess.

When you asked me before to put one thing that reminds me of our friendship, I immediately thought of that one pair of red shoes that you gave me. Somehow, though I hated the way they're so bright and attention-seeking, my eyes still remained looking at that smile that you have. I can't put much words to it, but trust me, that was how it felt. I was surprised when you put this wristwatch of yours inside our little box. Now, it doesn't work anymore. Should I get its batteries changed?

Hyunjin, even if you grow taller, you are still not a big boy. I'm pretty sure uncle just wants to ensure your safety. The city isn't as safe as you thought it'd be. I did get taller but you'll just tease me again anyway so what's the point?

Please enjoy your stay there. Make new friends. Talk to a lot of people and learn from them. Seungmin must be such a nice person to spend time with you and give you his smoked fish. Do you know any of his interests? Maybe you both have the same thing! Does he like manga too? Can he draw like you? How old is he by the way? Do you know when his birthday is?

I am very glad that you are able to find someone you'll get to spend time with, Hyunjin! You are such a nice person and a very talkative one by the way, so I'm sure that you two will have a great time.

Jisung actually bugs me every now and then. Pokes me, copies my homework, and gives me his candies more often even if we all know that he cannot and will not share. He actually asks me a lot if you'll ever write him a letter because I told him that we exchange letters. But if there is one thing he'd like you to know is that "I will take care of Felix!" though I'm sure I'm the one who's going to take care of him.

There is this boy that Chan-hyung introduced to us. He said he was just a new student in our school and had to change schools due to a personal matter. Chan-hyung didn't elaborate on it further. His name is Jeongin! He's cute actually, very giggly, and very... how do I say this... very fluffy? I'm not sure.

Nowadays, we are learning about the history of the dynasty in South Korea, some English agreements that we will be needing in our high school years, and mostly, I learned that Math is not for me. Neither is Science actually! But I think I can mostly follow the concepts in Science.

You are such a good artist, Hyunjin. I told you that before. There is something unique in the way you draw and while I can do that too (do not judge me, I know I can be a good artist if I truly want to), watching you draw the tree that we used to share shades with was already enough. What did the teacher tell you upon seeing your work? The teacher must be really proud of you.

My birthday... ah... it was okay. Jeongin was invited to my little party. Chan-hyung helped Jisung make a cake and to tell you the truth, it was such a disastrous cake, but we all enjoyed it. Jeongin finally broke a smile when Jisung tried to do his little stunts which actually caused him to have a little wound on his forehead (you know what Chan-hyung's reaction is), and I was just watching them. Living in the moment.

We were drinking orange juice and I thought of you. We were eating fried chicken and I thought of you. We were sitting in the living room while Olivia was sneaking to my room, about to take my walkman, and I thought of you. I couldn't even tell Olivia that you told me and just let her do her secret that is not-so-secret anymore. After the whole 5 years of my birthdays that I got to spend with you, I never thought that not seeing you during my birthday will make me miss you this much.

But hey! I am so glad that you get to enjoy your new school and new friends (I'm sure you have more than one now). Maybe you can bring Seungmin with you one day to the nearest comic shop! Maybe Seungmin is a good artist too and you both can draw something! Just in case you miss me that much, remember to just look at the sky. Just look at it.

I dislike you more and more each day.

Not Yongbok,

Felix