Shattered

Old Friends, New Emotions

"I'll get you a glass of Orange juice, and I'll sip my wine. We'll sit on the porch, like old times." Ally invites.

And so we do.

"So, how is Ethan?" She asks.

"Well as you seen for yourself. He's alright , he's happy." I tell her. She smiles.

"Why is your son living with another man?" She asks.

I feel suddenly embarrassed,  it doesnt feel like back in college when I could say anything to her and feel safe in it.

Now I'm afraid,  I'm afraid of her judgement. You know? Because she herself is married at twenty five and had a child. 

Little Jasmine is almost three months old.

"Its better that way." I say drinking a large gulp of the wine.

"I dont think so." She says.

I dont say anything. I look down, not willing hear more of her words.

"I'm miss us Ally." Says a little voice coming from my body.

"Here we are. We can still spend time right now while you're here." She says.

"No, I mean the us we were before we knew the trouble of men being existant. And us having kids. I miss us goofing off, and going out with Tyler to random parties." I confess.

"How is Tyler?" She asks.

"He lives like down my street. Last time I heard him saying he's with some Natasha girl." I say.

"You know I miss those too. But I have Jaz and Colt now." She says.

"You've always had Colt. " I say and simultaneously Willow walks out and sits next to us.

"Nothing has to change Ally, I mean you didnt even invite me to your wedding. Me, your best friend." I tell her.

"You're quick to forget that you're the one who cut us off." She says. She's getting mad.

"You dont have to feel guilty Ally, she made her choice." Willow says.

"Allyson I was pregnant. Alice wanted me to abort my child. I never cut anyone off, I left. You were the first person I called when Ethan was born.

I constantly sent you pictures of my sons , that's how much you mean to me. But that's okay." I tell them. I stand and excuse myself.

I fish for my phone. I wave at Alice who is seated on the spot I once occupied.

"Hello?" Nathan answers the first ring.

"I need you." I say breaking down.

"Where are you?" He asks,  I hear alot of movement . As if he is running.

"West Virginia." I say. Thinking that he'd say no.

"I'm on my way. Give me an hour." He says and I hear him say.

I sit on the front porch. I send him my location and I end up falling asleep while waiting.

As I'm sleeping,  I see a child. A baby , crying on the road. Many people try to pick it up but it cries louder and they let it down.

I get closer and it gets quiet.

"Gem." I hear. I wake up from the little nap. I fallen into. There stands Nathan, in all his glory.

"What's wrong?" He asks.

"What's wrong with me?" I ask him. Tears rolling down my eyes.

"What do you mean?" He asks. He cuddles me in his arms and sits us down.

"We were in the same college. Ally and I, Colt did all this wrong things.  And she was patient, she stayed with him. She loved him and look. They got married, they have a child.

I'm trying with Jeremy, I'm doing everything that I can. I'm patient even when he hurts me, I'm there for him and I care for him. Its almost been four years and I cant get him to love me!" I yell.

"And Ally? Shes miles away from me. She is married with a child and there's love in her family. While I have no one. No one loves me." I cry.

He caresses my arm. Then just like yesterday. I vomit on Alice's bush.

"Come on. Let's get you upstairs to sleep." He says.

He holds me as we walk upstairs. We find Alyster by the stairs.

"Yo Black. Where is her room?" He asks.

"Hey Nathan, I didnt know you were here. Opposite to the bathroom. Let me show you." Alyster says.

I feel a little tipsy.  He holds me and takes me into the room.

"So you drove all the way from New York here?" He asks.

"I'd do it a thousand times over." He says.

"Alright man goodnight." Alyster says.

Nathan tucks me into the bed smiling.

"Alright. I have to go." He says.

"Stay." I say. He smiles , as if he wanted me to say so.

"I couldve been big Nathan. Did you know that my lecturer had recommended me to a design team in England?

I gave it all up for him. And all he knows what to do is hurt me." I cry. My head is against the headboard and he is seated on the chair next to the bed.

"Thats what love can make you do." He reassures.

"No. Love makes you like that when its reciprocated. And I know he doesnt mean to hurt me. He is just going through some things , I make him like this. " I cry.

"I make him like this and I hate myself for it. I dont know how to forgive myself. I dont know if I'm doing good enough for my son." I weep on Nate. He strokes my hair.

"You're doing better than anyone can in your position. " he says.

He strokes my hair. The silence is comforting.  I dont feel judged, I'm not afraid of how naked I've bared myself to him. He understands and he cares.

I feel myself falling asleep. His breathing calms heart. I find myself molding into his embrace.

"Sun flower?" He asks.

"Hmm?" I answer. He chuckles. I feel the rumbling on his chest.

"Are you falling asleep?" He asks. His nose buries in my hair.

"Hmm, you smell like coconuts." He chuckles.

"I'm falling asleep."I tell him and he chuckles again.

He kisses the top of my head.

"I do." He says.

He does what? What does he mean he does. I didnt ask any question. Or did I?

"You do what?" I hear my voice ask.

"You said nobody loves you. I do." He says.

Before I can say or do anything,  the heaviness of sleep carries me.

I fall asleep. My body heaving up and down. I feel arms snake around me and pull me closer.

And then another kiss is placed on my head. Some words are mumbled but I'm too deep in my dreams to hear at this point.