Childish

42

I crawled across the carpet out of my bedroom. My fingers curled around the soft texture of the carpet as I pulled myself further and further across the floor.

I always thought that crawling would hurt. When I did it as a teenager, my knees would always get worn out and my wrists would hurt. But it seemed that while being a baby, it didn't hurt. I didn't have to worry about putting too much pressure on my joints and bones. It was like I hardly weighed anything and moving around on my hands and knees was like muscle memory.

But I still missed walking. I still missed being able to run away from someone who chased me or run when I heard someone scream, good or bad. I missed the feeling of my feet planted flat on the floor. I wasn't sure if I'd ever get that feeling back.

Naomi and Alex were putting together the baby's room in the spare bedroom. Boxes littered the bedroom and hallway, some empty and some not. Pictures of happy babies covered the sides of the boxes.

"Alex, I told you that piece doesn't go there."

Alex huffed and I heard pieces of wood hitting. "I know what I'm doing."

"It doesn't seem that way. Even the directions say to put this part together at the end."

"You're not helping."

I crawled up to the room and sat in the open doorway.

Alex practically deflated when he saw me. "Look, I'm already getting crap from Naomi. I don't need it from you too."

"Us girls have to stick together." Naomi winked at me.

"Do you guys need any help?"

"Oh, you came to help and not just poke fun?" Alex asked dryly.

I stuck my tongue out at him. "I don't have to help, you know. I was trying to be nice."

He shook his head as he started screwing one piece of wood onto another, clearly looking like he was about done with the whole thing. When it came to putting things together, Alex wasn't the best at it. It was clear that his whole family was smarter than they were handy.

Naomi walked over to me and knelt down on the floor in front of me. "Were you getting bored playing by yourself?"

Most days, I liked being by myself. I liked playing alone and coloring alone and didn't care for other kids my age. But I didn't like the silence that came with it. Being home with Alex meant there was always noise in the form of the TV or music or the turning of pages of a book. It never felt so... lonely.

"A little."

"Why don't I get you a bottle and you can play in here? You just can't get in Alex's way or he'll get upset." She turned and looked at him as he reached for another piece to attach to the frame of the crib he was building.

I reached out for her, giving her the OK. She picked me up and carried me back into the hall where I had just come from.

"Are you... excited for the baby?" I asked Naomi. Clearly, if they were working on the baby's room, they were. But I'd understand more if she told me directly.

She looked down at me as we walked through the living room. "Yeah, why?"

"I'm just curious."

She laughed. "Why wouldn't I be excited for my own baby?"

"Well, sometimes people have babies when they aren't ready for them and they resent the baby."

"Did you expect me to not like the baby?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. I just... I wasn't sure. I feel like everything's happening so suddenly and I wanted to make sure you weren't, like, upset about it."

She set me on the counter in the kitchen and then reached over my head into the cabinet above me for a sippy cup. "I've already gotten past that part. I was definitely surprised but I'm not mad. I've always wanted to have a baby."

"Then why were you sort of... freaked when Alex introduced you to me?" I still remembered how uncomfortable I had made her when I told her I wanted her to stay around as my second mom. She didn't come around for a few weeks and it made me wonder if things had gone south for her and Alex because of me.

She stopped what she was doing and looked at me. "You had parents already. You already have a mom. Those are pretty hard shoes to fill and I really didn't think I would be able to do it. I still don't."

I tightened my hands around the edge of the countertop. "But you're a good mom."

She smiled at me. "I'm still working on it."

I watched her fill up a bottle with water. She put several scoops of formula into the bottle before she screwed the lid on. She shook the formula together before she handed me the finished bottle.

"Why are you so curious about me all of a sudden?"

I chewed on the nipple of the bottle, gnawing on it with my gums. "Because Alex likes you which means you're gonna be here a lot more. And... I wanna get to know you better."

She put her hands on either side of me and ran her fingers through the hair that flowed down the front of my shirt. "Well, my birthday is in July so I'm a Cancer. I like reading and being around people. My favorite color is purple. Is there anything more you want to know?"

"Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

"I have two older sisters. They still live here in town."

"What are you hoping for?"

"I've always wanted a girl. But I changed my mind."

"Why?"

She smiled at me. "Because I have you."