Fractured | Tobias Eaton ✓

29 | Giving Me Whiplash

I come to with a start, gasping as I try to jump up off of the chair. Four's holding my arms down above me. "Breathe." It takes a moment for me to calm down as I realize what I witnessed was a simulation. I can't believe I'd forgotten so easily.

My cheeks are wet with tears that I don't recall shedding, I touch a hand to my cheek and see that my thumb is bleeding again. The smell of it overwhelms me as I clap a hand over my mouth. I have to puke.

Four rushes to grab the waste bin in the corner and I take it gratefully, twisting away as I hurl. It takes a while for me to feel good enough to set the bin down on the floor beside me but when I do, I lay back in the chair–catching my breath.

"Are you okay to stand?"

"I don't think so–just give me a minute." I hold up a hand, feeling heavier than a building. My head hurts so bad. So does my neck. Everything hurts. I still feel the blood on my clothing. More tears flow silently down my face.

After a while, I take a deep breath through my mouth to avoid the copper of my bloodied thumb. I move slowly but deliberately, sliding my legs over so I'm sitting upright on the chair. The coolness of the metal is gone from my body heat. I need something cold right now. "I hated that," I admit and he nods.

"It's not easy overcoming your fears, but you did well. Three."

I tilt my head, "Three what?"

Four glances at the door, "Three fears. A new record, I set the last one."

That's when I realize what he means, "Four is for having had four fears?" He nods, "That's a little on the nose don't you think?"

He chuckles, shaking his head. "I'll walk you to the dorms if you like."

"Thank you, Four."

He leads me through the door past the desk, it's darker than the simulation room was. "What's up with Dauntless and creepily lit corridors?" I wonder absent-mindedly, trying to distract myself from the simulation.

It may have ended well, but I still see my family...

"Maybe the first Dauntless was afraid of the dark." I look at him from the side with a smile, he's joking around?

"Didn't peg you for a comedian," I say.

"Didn't think you'd be our best initiate, yet here we are." Ouch. I was being all nice and he decided to remind me of what everyone thought when I came here?

I raise my eyebrows, "Wow, thanks, I appreciate it."

"Why do you do that?" He asks, stopping short.

"Do what?"

Four practically glared at me, "You act so indifferent around the others but you get all friendly when it's just you and I, why?"

I shrug, "How am I supposed to know? And I'm not indifferent, I'm distant–there's a difference." He shakes his head and we keep walking. "I wish you'd stop being so weird."

"I'm weird?"

"Yea, you're so weird. You were so nice and jokey with my family then act like a dick any other time. It's giving me whiplash." I finally say what's been on my mind since visiting day.

We're almost to the dorms, "I'm not a dick, you just have an issue with authority figures."

I snort, "Yea, I'm definitely the issue with us." Us. I am such an idiot.

Four gives me a funny look and I want to crawl in a hole and die. "What'd you see in the simulation?" He's changing the subject and in turn–saved my ass again. I'm beginning to owe him so hard.

"My family was dying in front of me. And when I got to them–they were gone. There was so much blood it was coming from every part of them. But then... it was gone. I must have calmed down enough to move to a different fear but then it–" I pause, taking a deep breath, "I was exposed in front of everyone."

He furrows his brows, "Like when I cut your head covering?"

I nod, "Exactly so–just far more extreme since it wasn't literal or whatever you said. Then I was in the pit all alone. I mean I was the only person there. I was so confused and tried going up the stairs to the upper level but kept ending up right at the edge of the pit. Then I was over the chasm and the... the bridge disappeared under my feet and I fell to what I thought was my death but the water was deeper and then I woke up."

"Your fears seem to be far more literal than most of the other initiates'." Four says.

"How do you mean?"

He walks with his hands clasped behind his back, "As I said about the serum creating a manifestation of your fears, they're not always as literal as they appear to be. Someone could be afraid of dying but have to kill others in the simulation. It twists what your perceived fears are into a kind of test. Did you have any idea what your fears were going in?"

I shrug, "Kind of? After the Ferris wheel, I realized I had an issue with heights. Blood has always been something that weirded me out. And being exposed is something I think a lot of modest people struggle with. I didn't understand the part with my family since it was paired with the blood though."

"Not literal," He says and I see we've made it. "Try to rest, Rita."