seraphic [h.s]

chapter forty four.

The morning light that once surrounded me had quickly fled. I had seen the day go from light to dark in what felt like a matter of seconds, and still I found myself huddled on the floor, at the end of the bed, in the spare room.

I hadn't moved, and I wasn't exactly sure if I could without collapsing. Since I'd cried all the hydration out of my body. The veins in my temples throbbed so painfully hard that my vision had been set with a hazy film covering my eyes.

I hugged my knees, chin propped upon them as I kept my gaze on the plain white wall across from me. That's what I'd done all day. And even though I was replaying everything that had happened since the time I'd woken up, nothing really made sense. Everything felt shit. Nothing felt resolved, and I realised nothing ever would be.

Not only did I feel angrier every single time I remembered the words my own sister had thrown in my face, but I was furious that not one person had even tried to be there for me. And Harry. God damn that fucker, was he serious? All of it had broken my heart. All of it. But what smooshed it to pieces to the point where it turned liquified, was now knowing what a waste my whole summer had been.

There were some moments within the day passing, where I found comfort in the thought of being able to end the day embraced with the warmth of Harry's arms around me. Until I remembered that I literally had nobody left and that he'd fucked off— or soon would. That whole cycle of thoughts and remembering where I actually was and what had actually happened, had me horribly facing the cold hard truth... that I relied on Harry's mere presence to make me feel a sense of peace.

That had to fucking change and I had no idea where to begin.

Did I not used to pride myself in being able to be alone? I still loved my solitude. But clearly I had included Harry into that equation too. And now the equation was totally fucked up, and some numbers had fucked off and the symbols were unrecognisable and ultimately, the equation was severely broken. Unsolvable. Unfixable. So. Not. Doable.

I wasn't sure if I was being selfish in the hopes of getting Harry to stay. Was it so bad of me to want to keep hold of the one good thing I had in my life? I shrugged to my own question. Because now it was all sorts of wrong. It didn't matter if I was being selfish, he still decided to leave with the band and leave me here. Here. He knew how much I hated this place. Or maybe he knew I'd just have to accept it, like I did with most things I couldn't change.

The rattling of keys pulled me out of my deep dark dive into the unknown. The depths of my stomach pulled, "Shit." I muttered under my breath while slowly pulling myself up. I had been right before, I was definitely dehydrated. I stood fully and swayed a little as the throbbing of my head had almost convinced me it were about to pop.

I was so sure the rate my heart was going at was unhealthy, I physically felt like I could go down any second. Especially when I heard those footsteps ascending the stairs, but two sets of them. Great. I knew this was coming, but I hadn't really prepared myself for it yet. I couldn't even say 'it were moments like these', because there had never in my life been a moment quite like this one. But now more than ever, I so wished my parents were like Avery's, her mom and dad were so cool, calm and collected. And mine? Mine were horrific, but didn't I know it.

I seethed every time I recalled my sisters last words. Did she really have to go and tell our parents about the tattoo shop with Dee? After Harry, that place was my second good thing in life. Was I not allowed to have anything going for me? Fuck. My parents were going to flip it. Because they didn't believe in that sort of life, where people didn't worship the same things they did. They wanted me married, starting a family and as far far away as possible from a tattoo parlour as they could get me.