Part Ten- To Break Yourself

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Violet

I'm not sure how much time passed, but I realized I didn't care. I had Powder with me again. Nothing else mattered. Eventually Powder shifted and leaned back a little to rest heavily on her knees, her tinted eyes staring hollowly at me. To my relief, she kept her hands in mine, and I tangled my sturdy fingers with her withered ones.

"What am I going to do?" she muttered lowly, her voice gravelly. She closed her eyes as her shoulders started to quiver, and dirty tears streaked down her cheeks. "I've ruined everything. I have no chance of any sort of life now. Everybody both Topside and Bottom has a reason to hate me."

"I don't hate you, Powder," I said immediately, keeping my tone soft. She looked at me with a limp sense of doubt, and my heart throbbed. "I don't," I repeated. "Never have, never will."

"You hated me in that moment," was her muttered answer. "When you put two and two together and realized that I killed our only family left. When you hit me. Called me- called me a... a jinx." The words slowly faded out.

I stifled a sob, tightening my grip on her hands in the hopes of keeping us both grounded. "I didn't, Powder. I didn't. I-I'm so sorry. I was so- I was so angry, and my very being felt like it was being split in two, and then I- I hit you and I will n-never forgive myself." I began to stammer and searched desperately for my words. "When I saw the blood on my hands, I realized what I was doing and I-I knew I had to get away before I hurt you again. I just needed space to calm down enough to get us both away, and then, I saw Sil-" I stopped. "I saw them standing over you, and it felt like I'd been struck by lightning.

"I tried to get to you, I called out your name and I was running and I-" I paused again, my voice dissolving into tears as I held onto her, sinking further into myself. "I got arrested and taken away, and I spent seven years in an absolute hell, and I didn't know if you were even alive and I just-" Powder's grip tightened in mine, and I looked up, both our eyes blurry.

"You didn't... you didn't leave me?"

"No, no no I never did, I would never do that, I love you, you're my sister, Powder, and I just- I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry." I was sobbing, guilt and sorrow coursing through my bones as lead slimed its way down my spine.

Powder was silent for a moment, and then she lunged towards me, her thin arms wrapping around my shoulders as I quickly held her to me, crying into her neck. It was more of her comforting me than the other way around. "No matter what," I hiccupped, "No matter what, I will never leave you again. I will always be here. I'll help you, I'll stay with you, it'll be you and me against the world."

"You... you promise?" A whimper, a plea.

"I promise."

Stop making promises. Stop making promises. Stop making promises. STOP-

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