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i. COVER & TITLE
I really think you need a new cover. The cover you currently have is not representative of your ability to write. It's got too much going on, too much contrast, not enough eye-catching details. I have a reading list full of graphic designers that might be able to help out!
Now, do I think your title is representative and pretty unique? Yes! But I think you need to take the word 'vampire' out—and here's my reasoning: Most vampire stories on Wattpad are not written this well, and the general Wattpad reader base knows that. Often, vampire stories have a rep, and since yours is not only well-written but also pretty unique, I'd say you can come up with a title that's a little more original and appealing to a larger audience.
ii. BLURB
I think your blurb is written really well. Great hook, great info, great organization. I don't like the ending, because I think blurbs should stay in blurb-world and the author should stay out of it. I think you should end it at 'and that's only the beginning.'
1 0 / 1 5
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i. PUNCTUATION
commas:
You've really got your commas down! I saw a mistake here and there, but nothing persistent that I can recommend fixing. However, I do think you use a few too many commas. They're not wrong, exactly, but a lot of your sentences use six or seven commas, which is just too much in my eyes, and they cause a pretty confusing flow. Most of the time, when writers have this problem, the fix comes by just splitting sentences, which I think you could benefit from. This is your biggest (only) logistical problem that needs fixing, because I do think it's affecting the story.
the ellipsis
You have only one problem that was persistent in terms of logistics, and that's the ellipsis capitalization. You're using American, and American capitalizes the clause after the ellipsis if that clause is independent. That is, it has a subject, verb, and makes a whole thought. For example:
