Right Now.

Chapter 28

Dear Madison,

If you're reading this, the first thing I want you to know is that I love you. I know you love me, too, because there hasn't been a day that you haven't shown your love and devotion to me. I know that I don't deserve how well you treat me and how much you love me, but I don't know how I would ever live life without you.

Do you remember when we met? That was the first time I messed up. But it was the best mistake of my life. I was playing volleyball in that sand pit with friends and I hit the ball way out and hurt your beautiful head. If I hadn't hit that ball with my amazing strength and incredibly toned arms, I may never have met you. I'm so glad I lost that point, because I scored the most amazing girl.

The second mistake I made in our epic love story was when I went days without talking to you because you kissed that douche bag of an exboyfriend. I should have just forgiven you right there because there was and still is nothing that could ever keep me mad at you or away from you. You mean the world to me, and that's why I'm writing this.

In three days, I will be proposing to you. It took me literally fucking four weeks to find the right ring for your finger because none of them were good enough. I knew you had to have the perfect one and so I set out to find you one. As I am writing this, you are at the nail salon getting your nails done, because I know you'd be pissed if I proposed and your nails weren't perfect. I took it as a perfect opportunity.

Marriage will be a big step for us, so I decided to write these in case anything happened.

Obviously if you're reading this, I've done something so terrible that I've lost you. I want you to know right now that whatever I did was stupid, irresponsible, and definitely not something a husband should do. I hope this letter can remind you of who we are, and who I am.

I've made so many mistakes in the years that we've been together. I've lied, ignored, and yelled at you. Those months that we were broken up were the worst of my life, even though you might not believe that. Every day, I would obsess over what I thought you were doing, who you were with, and what you were thinking.

Despite all of the drama we went through then, we still found a way to fix our relationship, and since then, I've learned to appreciate you even more.

I've fucked up. That's obvious with the fact that you're reading this letter. But no matter if you decide to leave me or stay with me, I want you to know something.

I don't tell you enough how much I love you. I don't tell you how much I love every little fucking thing about you. The way your hair falls down your shoulders, the way your nose scrunches when you laugh, the little freckle you have right under your chin, the gold flecks in your eyes, the birth mark on your calf, the way you scare me awake, the way you try to get me to laugh when I'm mad at you, the way you are. Every thing you say, do, and are amazes me. I never knew that I could love someone as much as I love you. I would put everything on hold for you if I knew that it would fix anything. But I know it's unlikely that it would.

What I wanted you to know, was that no matter if you leave me and find someone else, there is no one else on this planet that I could find happiness with. Sure, I could find a false sense of security with anyone; a friend, girlfriend, or parent. But I could never find someone that could make my heart swell just by breathing. I know that you might not believe it, but my happiness is you. My life is you. My love is you. I could never get past that, and I never will.

Whatever I did to mess up, I just hope that it wasn't bad enough to ruin us forever. If you want me to leave for a while so you can think straight, I will. If you want me to stay, I will. If you want me to give you everything you've ever wanted, I'll do that too.

And if all you want is all of my love, forever and for the rest of your days, I would happily do that.

I'm no poet or fancy writer, but I can write what I feel on paper. This might not fix anything, but it might give you the perspective I need you to see. I would never intend to hurt you, and if I did, I promise I will do anything to make it up to you. Only if you let me though.
I am willing to fight for you until I can no longer fight.

More than anything, I want you to love me as much as I love you so that the story of us can continue until the end.

I love you.

-Kian, your soon-to-be fiancé, future husband, and lover.

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Would you forgive him?

-xox Delilah