the difference

Chapter Twenty-nine

"Here's perfect" Evelyn smiled and sat on the grass "Put the basket down muffin"

"there is enough cakes and biscuits in here to feed all my dragoons" William grunted and laid the basket on the floor "anyway you had something to tell me?" he asked and smiled

"I did" she mumbled and brush through Theodore's hair "When are you going back?"

"Tomorrow...I've been called back early, I wanted to tell you yesterday..."

"oh...how long for?"

"a couple of months, it won't be more than six I promise"

"half a year..." Evelyn sadly mumbled and kissed Theodore's forehead "What will I do without you..."

"I'll write a letter everyday...I'll send you drawings of my camp and fields, you won't notice I'm gone-"

"-Muffin I'm with child"

"and I'll try and- I beg your pardon"

"I am with child..."

"but you said your tea...you lied?"

"I was scared..."

"there was no need to be" He beamed and leant over to kiss her "Oh I wish this war was over! Bloody Cornwallis needs to get his arse into gear!"

Evelyn let out a soft laugh and leant against his shoulder "no matter how this war ends, come home to me"

"I will"

"good"

~~~

"William stop rubbing my belly!" Evelyn groaned and he popped his head above the blankets "You're supposed to be doing something else!"

"It won't hurt the babe will it?"

"No William it won't hurt them"

"you sure?"

"William Tavington!" Evelyn warned and playfully tapped his shoulder with her foot "get on with it"

He smirked and dipped underneath the blankets once again before hearing a knock on the door. William scowled slightly before moving from between Evelyn's legs "always at the worst of times" he grunted before getting out of bed and walking to the door, opening it to reveal a young cornet holding a letter "what?"

"A letter from your brother, sir" he quickly gave him the letter before rushing back down the corridor.

William closed the door and broke the wax seal of letter before reading through it. He smiled to himself and walked over to his bed "cheeky little shit"

"Ahem, your wife is waiting"

"is she? I hadn't noticed, I most definitely wasn't between her legs a moment ago"

"How hilarious" Evelyn sighed and rolled her eyes "I see how it is"

William smirked before folding the  letter once again and throwing it onto his bedside table "spread your legs darling"

"er no that moment has passed, do it yourself"

He rested his palm on her knees and tried to spread them but to no avail "Darling!" he chuckled before realising was doing it on purpose "Do you want my tongue?"

"Of course"

"Open up your legs then"

"Nope"

"Evelyn!" he heartily laughed and got above her "Carry on and I shall shackle your arms to the headboard and your feet to the bottom of the bed"

"Nope, you threw away your shot"

"Damn it!" He chuckled and kissed her cheek "you cheeky vixen"

"hmm- ow" She felt a pang of pain in her stomach and looked up at William. He smiled and gently rested his hand on her belly "I wonder what that was..."

"It wasn't the babe, they're far too young to kick" William mumbled and smiled to himself before lifting her nightdress so it covered her breasts before kissing her stomach "we did that"

"I know"

William rested his head on her stomach and let out a soft sigh "Our little miracle" Evelyn smiled and ran her fingers through his hair hair "he'll be a perfect sibling for Theo"

"who says it will be a boy?"

"I have a gut feeling that it will be"

"Hmm, what if she's a girl?"

"I'd love her either way" He smiled and looked up at her "I'm going to miss you, not waking to you each day will be close to torture..."

"you'll be alright, myself, Theodore and this one will be fine"

"I'll be back before you know I'm gone" he smiled and kissed the skin on the top of her thigh "and we'll be happy when we reunite"

"Hey, don't be upset, I'll be waiting"

He noticed that the tension in her thighs had ceased, causing him to quickly open her legs and seat himself between them "On full display, I have a whole night planned" William smirked before kissing down her stomach.

~~~

"Be safe!" Evelyn called as William rode from their home, then he was gone. Gone for God knows how many weeks or months. She looked down her child in her arms and smiled "Papa's going to be back soon, he'll be alright"

But would he...

What was she to do all day? Twiddle her thumbs and hope he survives?

~~~

Around three months later she felt the kick of her babe for the first time "William, come quick, the ba-" Evelyn quickly realised that he was away fighting. She sat on her bed and watched over her sleeping seven month old. He had grown a lot since William left, if only he were here to see that.

~~~

"by the rules of war-"

"Would you like a lesson sir, in the rules of war!" William snarled and aimed his flintlock at the man in front of him "Or perhaps your children would?" he moved his gun to where his brood of children were standing.

The man quickly rushed in front of his children before spreading out his arms "No lesson is necessary"

William smirked before lowering his pistol "Sir, what of the rebel wounded?"

"Kill them"

They pulled the oldest boy away and the second oldest rushed over to help him. Without a thought William clocked his pistol and shot him. He'd shot a child...

What have I done...

~~~

I've lost myself...
I shot a child in cold blood and killed him. I can still hear the father's yell...
My dearest Evelyn would despair to know that I've become a monster. A child killer. Every time I shut my eyes I see the boy fall to his knees and his father cradling him as he died. My father was right, I am good for nothing.

I miss home, I would give anything to see my wife again. But this campaign has taken me into the darkest depths of my mind and now I fear there is no escape from the consequences.

I deserve it.

I'm a murderer and nothing can change that...