It Burns Within Us | Wildfire Series Book 1

T W E N T Y - N I N E. F I V E

M A D I E

November Fifteenth

Three

You make me feel

like being lost

is an okay thing to be.

—

Staring at the pile of textbooks and homework in front of me made me feel like my head would explode. I clutched at it, trying to push the pounding and aching away.

"Sometimes all this work seems pointless," I said with a sigh.

Bren laughed, but it was dry. "I've been thinking that for years."

I glanced over at him, attempting to ignore how tan and handsome he looked in front of the beachy landscape. It didn't work, and I pressed my lips together to withhold a groan. Was it just me, or was he growing more attractive with each passing day?

Closing my eyes to get a grip on myself, I searched for the words that would explain how I was feeling.

"In high school...I simply told myself that I was doing everything to get into a good college. But now? I don't know what I'm doing any of this for. I have no idea what I want to do with my life, Bren."

He must have sensed that I was having a mini-breakdown because he closed his laptop, giving me his full attention. A guitar played gently from the speakers on his phone as he looked at me. That was one thing I'd learned about Bren: he liked background music. I wondered if it was a study technique he'd learned from Mrs. White or something else.

"To be honest, I wasn't even sure I would make it to college." Bren leaned forward onto the patio table, and his eyes met mine, intense as always. "I almost gave up. More than once."

"What kept you going?"

I needed to know how to keep going right now.

"Caroline, mostly. A few teachers I had, too." He pursed his lips in thought for a second. "Senior year was the hardest. When I wanted to quit, Caroline would ask me if it was worth the regret I'd feel for the rest of my life if I didn't push through."

"Damn," I murmured.

"Yeah," Bren said, laughing dryly again. "Pissed me off when she did that, honestly. But I was in survival mode half the time. And sometimes you have to keep moving just so you don't sink."

My mouth suddenly went dry, and I reached for my glass of water. Every so often, I forgot everything that Bren had been through, and moments like this put it all into perspective. My parents and I had our differences, but I couldn't imagine losing both of them. Watching it. Reliving it in my head over and over again like I knew he did. Sometimes he tossed and turned at night, and I knew it was his demons keeping him awake.

Bren cleared his throat, and I realized I was staring at him. He licked his lips and gave me a slight smile. "It's okay that you don't know what you want to do, Madie."

Suddenly my dilemma of picking a major seemed so small and insignificant. But I replied anyway, needing to think about something other than Bren's past. "Usually when I mention that I'm undecided, people start asking me about my interests and shit."

I never knew what to say to that. My interests involved playing soccer, watching Netflix, and writing in my journal. Those things didn't align with career aspirations. My parents always said I could do anything because I was good at everything, but they were just listening to a story told by my grades. But they didn't understand that passing classes only translated to earning credentials. Not being good at a job. Or being happy while doing it.