the nerves were background noise at this point. i knew the walls would be void of personal effects, i knew that trevor would prance around my feet when i walked in now that he was familiar with me, and i knew that nick would come down the stairs with a grin on his face and that chris wouldn’t be far behind.
the only unpredictable factor was matt. the first time i went over to just ‘hang out,’ he appraised me with a skeptical look, the trail of his gaze leaving slightly unpleasant goosebumps on my arms. i once again felt the need to impress upon him the fact that i had thrown my lot in with them, that i wouldn’t up and leave them like they would soon do to me, though that was an unexpected ache that i tried to keep hidden, to be viewed at a later date.
over the next couple of times, he relented his disapproving manner, if only slightly. his eyes thawed inch by inch, and one time he even gave me a small wave before heading to the kitchen for a snack. i felt a warmth in my chest at the gesture, and the force of it took me by surprise. but there would be days when his face was clouded over, when his lips would be tightened in a scowl, when he wouldn’t so much as glance at me.
but i learned to take in stride. his emotions fascinated me, and i found myself anticipating his response to my presence. when he seemed to tolerate my being in their space, i had to restrain a smile. and when he shut me out, physically keeping an impressive distance between us, i prioritized the furrow of his brow, the hair hanging over his eyes, the length of his lean body drawn within himself over the sting of his silent rejection.
today was one of those days as i peered at him, at the way he was tensed all over, taut as a bowstring. his disfavor of me emanated from his body, the intensity of it impossible to ignore. he was so annoyed, teeth constantly biting his lower lip, shifting on the couch every two seconds, sighing with the weight of the world on his shoulders, as though my simply sitting in the same room was the bane of his existence.
nick walked into the room, smacking matt upside the head at his dark behavior. “buck up, partner,” he said, flopping next to me and laying his head on my shoulder. “(y/n) is here to stay.”
“don’t i know it,” matt muttered, absently gnawing on one of his hoodie strings. nick snorted and threw me a wink.
days at the boys’ house consisted of lazing around, showing each other videos or playing games, taunting each other all the while. matt joined us every now and then, though mostly he sat on the couch, watching us interact with a yearning that betrayed his isolated composure.
when it came to partner activities, chris or nick would leap at me, tackling me to the ground while i gasped in laughter. matt would reluctantly join the other, never once offering to team up with me.
as the days passed by, i found myself more comfortable with them than i had been with anyone else. sarah no longer looked at me, and i watched the time since our last message grow longer and longer with disinterest. the thought that i had been pushed outside the student body was one that only danced around the fringes of my awareness right before i went to bed. i was happy, joking and bantering and allowing nick to throw an arm over my shoulder or chris to slap my arm in excitement. it was baffling and familiar all at once and i…i was happy. that’s all there was to it. i was filled with a lightness, an absence of pressure.
and entering into school, i was feeling the way i had been.
“it’s already been a month.” nick’s words broke my train of reminiscence.
“what?” i responded, not quite registering the words.
“it’s been a month. we leave in two.”
and there was that mass again, like it had never left.

YOU ARE READING
don't get too attached - matt sturniolo
Fanfictionone rule, and one rule only: don't talk to the new kids. the brief connection isn't worth their inevitable exit. but what if, against all odds, that order just happened to fall upon deaf ears? completed 7/19/2022 :)