Dearest Kit

Chapter Thirty Five

{Please listen to 'In The Morning' by Keaton Henson when reading this chapter, I just think it will make for the perfect ending.}

Darling Lana,

We’ll work it all out, I promise you that, don’t worry about a thing, sweet pea. This relationship will always work, we’re engaged remember? I love you too. I’m happy you realize that I’m not doing this for me, I really do believe that things will be better in the long run if we do this now. We’ve only known each other five months, imagine how hard it would be to be separated from one another when it’s been years. You’re right, I don’t give a flying fuck about the media. You’re really smart, Lana, you understand a lot of things better than I ever have.

I used to have to go to Sunday school, at church back home with my sisters, and they taught us about the value of marriage. A lot of things I heard back then I have forgotten, a lot of things I thought were stupid and unnecessary but I remember how they told us about wedding rings. They’re circular, because they never end, just like a marriage is meant to last for eternity. I thought that was nice, the fact that love is eternal when symbolized by a ring; it’s not just metal and rock to me, it’s a commitment, and I hope you feel the same.

We can never be too dreamy or imaginative, I think it’s what makes us so special. We’re romantics, don’t you think, obsessed with classic literature and interesting films and anything which makes us think about how beautiful the world is? Things like this make me question everything, without questions we’d be ever so boring and ordinary. Let’s not stop all that. The world is a mystery, if you can understand just a fraction of it I think you’re doing pretty well.

I thought you may say no because of your age, because you’re so young. We’re still children really, well, you are, I’m feeling less and less like that these days, more responsible. I wish I had met you when we were both young teenagers, thirteen maybe, we could have spent our entire adolescence together, figuring out who we were. I met your father for coffee one day, in Fulham, and we talked about stuff and I asked him. I think he was shocked at first, which was fair enough, and then he began to smile and told me a little of his life. He said, “if you love her half as much as I do, then you are more than welcome to ask her.” He made me promise something, but that’s a secret.

A couple of weeks seems like a lifetime away, maybe we could go to the beach before then? Do you think he was flirting with you, should I feel protective over you or is there no threat? He’d probably make a good friend, you should text him one day. Soon you’ll be able to escape, you’ve just got to last out a little bit longer, do your exams and then you’re free to do as you please.

They’re never that terrible, my nightmares, they just make me anxious and uneasy. You don’t hate school, this is just a phase. One day, something will happen, in a lesson or at lunch, and you’ll remember how much fun you’re having and how lucky you are to attend such a wonderful school. Sometimes I wish I was a girl so I could have gone there when I was your age. I’m glad you’re making decisions, I don’t mind what you do, but you need to choose a path.

I’m not sure, I’m trying to work it all out. Of course we should continue these emails, always, forever, but I couldn’t go longer than a few weeks, months, without seeing you, it would be too torturous. Don’t tell the media anything, let them make their own assumptions, maybe that we’re just friends, or that we’re having difficulties in our relationship. I don’t mind what you tell your friends, but it could be complicated to explain to people who don’t understand. There’s nothing wrong with insanity. I understand the problem you’re having because whenever I’m trying not to think of you, I’ll see an item of clothing you’ve left in my apartment, or smell the incense which clings to your clothes. It’s hard, it really is.