SCRIPTURIENT REVIEWS | CLOSED

❄ DEMON HEART | GWEN ❄

Title: Demon Heart
Author: Chaosimsystem_
Reviewer: summerwitch_

This review was edited by willow-wrxtes

Cover:

The cover speaks for the entire story. You have chosen a red heart with dark veins slithering around it as the cover's main subject, which I believe was a unique and enticing choice. Most "angel and demon" stories that you can find feature a winged creature, and you opted for a different approach, which helps your book stand out. The text is easy to read and is properly placed at the bottom, but I feel like there's something missing for me; that otherworldly feeling isn't really coming across for me. Just as a suggestion, maybe you could put a figure in the background - a demon - and you could make that figure hold the heart to emphasize the cover's message.

Title:

The title is precise, short, and apt. It fits with the message the cover wants to put across, giving the readers an idea on what the story may revolve around. I was really intrigued while reading it. It was in the fourth chapter of the book that I finally found out its relevance to the plot.

Blurb:

You have done a good job at giving the reader enough details about Ambrose and Thea, the setting, and the possible conflict that both of the characters will face. However, what you should know is that - in addition to introducing the characters, setting, and conflict - you are providing a sample of your technical writing to the readers, which can affect their impression and urge to try out the book. There are a lot of grammatical mistakes that should be fixed, and I will elaborate on those more in the "Grammar" section of this review.

Plot, Flow, Originality:

Demon Heart is a supernatural-fantasy book that follows the story of Ambrose, a demon prince, as he tries to find a suitable wife in Lucifer's order. And it all began in Prologue, where we find the prince flying across the dimension. Now, this is the part where I start to crave more description because it would have felt great to connect myself to the world. You could have described what happened as Ambrose passed through some invisible barrier that separates Hell from Earth. You dived straight into when Ambrose saw Thea walking alone in a park towards a dark figure which turned out to be one of his father's demons. This part is where it all gets interesting because now we know that Thea is a demon hunter. But it seems like the prince has taken it as a challenge and now he has taken an interest in the girl despite knowing she's a threat. Their differences prove to be quite a challenge since technically, they are supposed to be enemies. However, it would probably be great to show us what Ambrose thinks of Thea at that moment. "I have to go, but I will be back! I want her, and I will get her," is what the story says. What makes Ambrose want her? What makes him decide that it is Thea, a demon hunter, who he wants to become his wife? Does he find her challenging? What is his purpose; might he have some agenda aside from finding himself a wife? Perhaps he has a twisted desire to punish her or to haunt her?

Moving on, I see that the First Chapter just picked up where the Prologue left off, only this time it's in Thea's perspective. A prologue is typically an event that happens before the main story. A prologue can usually be connected to the main story only after reading more of the book, and to be quite honest, I do not understand why your prologue is necessary because the first chapter picks up the story immediately after the prologue in the timeline. Now, as Thea hears someone's scream, she rushes out of the house. She almost catches Ambrose, but luckily for him, he was able to take off before she saw him. It's odd yet interesting how Ambrose actually possesses a white-feathered wing when demons are usually seen with black wings in the media. But if the demons in your world can have white wings, won't they be mistaken as angels? I'm interested to learn how these demon hunters can tell angels apart from demons.