Stray Kids Imagines

In love with your best friend but never telling him - Hyunjin

In the beginning, everything was easy. Being best friends with Hyunjin since first grade was easy. You were just two kids who liked having fun with each other. Playing at recess, eating lunch together, sharing toys and snacks, talking, talking, and talking for hours a day.

That was the beauty of your childhood. You didn't have to worry about anything, because you had him by your side. It was unexpected for you to stay close for years, but you were inseparable. No matter how many petty arguments or disagreements came about, your friendship never broke. It felt like life already woven your fates together. You were destined to find happiness in him, as he was in you.

So why did he have to change? Why did he have to appear like that in your eyes? You didn't understand how one day he just started to... glow. Ever since then, you couldn't revert the way you saw him. The familiar smile of a friend now made your heart soar. His touch which used to be a kind gesture sends warmth through your body. Every little action that didn't really matter in the past affected your feelings more than it should.

Your smile held a different happiness.

Your laugh had a different feel.

Your soul had a different purpose.

Those changes in you were strongest during high school. Freshman was when you noticed it. How you would unconsciously stare at him with parted lips, admiring every detail in his expression and sensing he wasn't the same as you last remembered. It was like you were soaring above the clouds. That was what he did to you.

Again and again, you lied to yourself. He was your best friend. Nothing more. Then why was your heart on fire every time you got near him? You wished it didn't have to be this hard. You wished that if you just buried them deep enough, those damn feelings would disappear. So year after year, you pushed that love of your yours to the bottom of your heart, hoping it would go away one day — it never did.

•••

The blue light from the tv screen reflected off your eyes in the dim-lit room. Hyunjin had invited you over to his place to watch a movie and play games. You were barely focusing on the plot, so you just stared aimlessly at the characters' mouths moving without actually listening to what they were saying. There was a lot on your mind, especially since you were sitting there in the silence next to him.

Your eyelids occasionally squinted as you were sensing a drowsiness overtaking you. It took way too much energy to stay awake when you were lost in thought the entire time. Just as you gave in to the exhaustion, a weight fell upon your right shoulder, immediately activating your nerves.

You slowly turned your head and looked at his sleeping face. There was something so extraordinary about him when he was like that. How he appeared so calm yet precious in a complete state of peace. Or maybe it was because you were able to admire his features for as long as you wanted without him ever knowing. This way he wouldn't ever know of your buried feelings.

Your hand came up and gently moved a loose strand of hair behind his ear so it wouldn't block his face. Slow breaths escaped his slightly parted lips. Somehow, he was real, despite appearing so flawless. Falling for him was inevitable. Being in pain was inevitable.

"Why did this have to happen?" Your voice broke as your emotions swallowed you whole.

If he finds out, then we'll no longer... be able to do this again the same way we can now...

"Hyunjin," you called his name in a whisper, waiting for a sign of life, but you got none in return.

Time was frozen and only you could move in this cold space. He was unable to hear a single word you muttered. You swallowed the growing lump in your throat, biting your shaking lips.

"Hey... Hwang Hyunjin. I'm sorry. If liking you is wrong, then I'm sorry. I know I'll regret telling you the truth, so I can't. There's someone you like already, right? I know. Even though you never told me who it was, I know...."

Your vision blurred, tears spilling down your cheeks carrying every hidden emotion you've bundled up day after day. The emptiness picked at you from the inside out. It was awfully lonely to be watching his life unfold from the sidelines as a second lead. You've seen the way he looks at her. When the time comes, you'll lose him like you've always imagined.

Suddenly, his eyelids began to wince and you eternally panicked, terrified of the consequences. The pounding of your heart rang throughout your whole body and you wiped your face quickly to hide it all once again.

But then he stopped. His eyelids remained close, and you exhaled, recovering from the shock it gave you seconds ago. Yet deep down you wondered what he would've said if he was awake — if he heard everything.

Either your love breaks first, or your heart does.

•••

You saw it coming years before it happened, but it still felt too early. Or more like, you felt too late.

"So you finally told her..." Your voice trailed off, eyes fixated on the scene quickly unraveling.

Hyunjin had the brightest smile on his face as he rubbed his nape, in both surprise and excitement. She was smiling too. Then you heard her say it back. Those three words you've never heard him tell you after years of waiting and hoping it would eventually be your turn to be happy. It crushed you how they could be perfect together, like two connected puzzle pieces.

Your silhouette stood far away, watching their separate stories interlace with each other. They couldn't see you. Not because you were hidden from their sight, but because they were stuck in their own world where you didn't exist. It was just them. A pair of two people that felt the same feelings for the same person.

Before you could comprehend it, she took a step forward and wrapped her arms around him, cheek resting on his chest. You could see the shock and nervousness on his face, but he soon relaxed and hugged her back. He lips eased back into a smile and they stayed like that, embraced in each others' arms.

You've always remembered how his hugs felt, but at that moment, the warmth of his touch was erased from your memory. Because that warmth wasn't one of love and tenderness; it was one of a childhood friend.

You were his best friend. And despite how many times you told yourself you were lucky to be someone dear to him, you'd always think about how you couldn't be someone special enough to be his one and only.

Your eyes blinked away the tears and with a shattered heart, you smiled, forcing your body to turn around and leave the two be. Hyunjin was happier with her. They were happier together. You simply didn't fit with his piece, and even if you tried to change your shape to match his, it wouldn't work. Because his piece already belonged to another.