- wholesome content yuh - kinda sad content :( - sorry i've been gone so long i've been going through a lot - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
y/n's pov
1 month ago
i watched his face as he looked up. the street lamp was shining on his left side, leaving his shadow against me. his eyes glossed over as he spoke about the stars above. his hood covered most of his fluffed up hair but strands poked out the front. i was in awe. i stared getting lost in him, while he continued to speak.
he began to walk in the direction of my house, still looking up, bumping into me. he grabbed my forearms to regain our balance, looking me in the eyes. "sorry..i got a bit distracted." i smiled. i had never seen anyone more beautiful. "let's go inside" he smiled. we began to walk up my driveway and he nudged me, making me lose my balance once again.
we laughed.
present
we always laughed. we were so good together. i laid on my back buried under the pillows and blankets on my bed, watching the leaves on the tree outside my window move in the wind. i lost interest in everything. i didn't want to go in public anymore. so instead i laid in my bed going over our memories in my head, reliving my best experiences. i got what i wanted for just a little bit. i always cry and beg the universe for just a little bit more time with him, but i know the truth is no amount of time would ever be good enough.
1 month ago
"i wish i could sleep here" his tired voice spoke quietly into my blanket, his exhausted body pressed into my mattress. his eyes were closed as he peacefully listened to the music that was playing from my speaker. he had no idea i was looking at him with tears in my eyes, scrambling to figure out how to make this moment last forever. "i wish that more than anything." i eventually spoke, stroking his hair gently, sucking in my emotions.
present
i knew it was all fake. i knew and that's why every little thing he did or said made me emotional. i was prepared to lose him at any moment. i was prepared to have to give back everything i had ever wanted. the preparation didn't make it any less painful though.
1 month ago
"see ! it's perfect !" i stood back and admired my work. he looked at himself in the mirror nodding. we had just gotten back to my house after thrifting. he had on the outfit i picked out for him. "you need a necklace though.." i stood and thought for a second and then remembered i had the perfect one. i got it and placed it around his neck. he smiled down at me. those eyes. god those eyes. i always got scared when he'd stare at me, i never wanted him to discover something he didn't like.
he opened his camera app and held it up above our heads, taking an awful picture. we laughed as he continued to take more. i felt so special. so special that he'd want pictures of me in his phone. he took his eyes off of me and got distracted on his phone, texting friends. i placed my head on his chest, we were both still standing. "what's up ?" his voice was sweet. he ran his fingers through the back of my hair and i pulled him into a hug. i wanted nothing more than to figure out how to be even closer to his body. i wanted to melt into him.
present
i always found myself hugging him, touching him, never being more than 4 feet away from him when we were together. i was subconsciously trying to memorize his features, the way they felt, the way it felt to be tucked tightly into his chest, how it felt to actually feel safe. i knew he was gonna go away, i knew it. i did everything in my power to make each moment last forever, but the truth is it's impossible to stop time. no matter how hard to grip onto something, no matter how much you refuse to change. time will always go on without you.
every time we were together i'd think to myself, "this is gonna end soon, soon i won't have him anymore." then i'd tell myself to snap out of it and live in the moment. so that's what i'd do every time. i'd live in the moment. live in his smiles, live in his voice, live in the feelings he made me feel. i'd shake the thought of not having him out of my head and i'd cuddle closer. i knew he'd be gone soon so i kissed him more, traced his skin, memorized the smell of him and his cologne. i couldn't get enough.
no matter how hard i tried he still continued to slip away. no matter how much i did it was never enough. no matter how much time i spent with him i needed more. i wanted him for life, he wanted me temporarily. i was nothing but a solid to fill the void inside of him. the void that the girl he really wanted left. i was nothing but another body he could pretend was her. everything i did for him never stuck.
so now i lay here, day after day, reminiscing my favorite experiences. the experiences that weren't real. i replay the way he looked at me, the way it felt for split seconds, that he really could love me. one day i will heal. i hope one day my mind, body, and soul will want someone else.
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