Fear Games

10. The End of All Things

EDEN

Later that evening after all of the kids went to bed, I found Rachel—shocker!—in the kitchen drowning herself in wine. I pulled up a chair next to her, and she jolted as if I had somehow surprised her. She ran her fingers through her messy hair and sighed.

"I didn't hear you come in," she said softly as she sipped from her glass.

"You have a drinking problem," I said. Part of me felt bad for calling her out on her shit, but it was the right thing to do as her best friend.

She shrugged and gulped on more wine. "What do you want me to say? That I'll go to AA? I don't even know if I'll live until next week. Last thing I'm worried about is whether I'm drinking too much."

I picked up the bottle off the table, which was more than halfway empty, and frowned. "You had this whole bottle to yourself."

"Tell me something I don't know," Rachel muttered as she rolled her head back to look at the ceiling. "Don't worry about me. What are you doing up so late?"

"I was thinking about things," I said. "Like my dead ex-husband whose body I burned in the woods with Jax. God, I was such an idiot. And I've been such a heartless bitch. I've been so worried about everything else, like my kids' safety, that I've barely been able to grieve the fact that I lost Jacob." On the outside, it definitely looked as though I was okay with my ex-husband's death, but the truth was I was seriously hurting. I didn't know how to cope with what happened, so I shut it down, pretended it didn't happen. Maybe once all the Fear Games were over, I would actually be able to grieve properly.

"Well, my ex-husband's been on my ass," Rachel said. "Drake is still fighting for sole custody of Emerald. I fear that the court will grant it to him. I mean, if I was the court, I probably would, too."

"What does that mean for the custody of my kids?" I asked.

"No idea at all. I wish I had answers. It just feels like everything is falling apart and I have no way to hold it together."

I related to that feeling pretty well. I'd been thinking about it a lot the last few days, and I realized that sooner than later I was going to have to come out of hiding and the public would know I faked my death—which was a crime, and I'd likely end up in prison, away from my kids for a long time. There was no way around the inevitable. The Fear Games, if it didn't kill us, was going to leave our lives permanently destroyed.

"The police are going to find out I faked my death," I whispered, trying not to wake the kids in the other room. "Officer Gordon Chase and his partner are going to get in trouble for being dragged into my mess. It's all going to fall apart."

"I've been thinking about that," Rachel said. "What if instead of revealing to the public that you're alive, we change up your look and give you a whole new fake identity?"

I raised my eyebrows. "Are you sure that would even work in today's day in age? There's so much technology that could detect me. What about my fingerprints?"

"Just don't ever get arrested," Rachel said. "Problem solved. Besides, I'm pretty sure Gordon has a crush on you. Having a police officer as your boyfriend would probably have its advantages."

I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Did she really think that Gordon Chase had feelings for me? Even if he did, it didn't matter. I was in no place to be getting into a new relationship with anyone at the moment, unlike Rachel who had definitely taken a deep dive into something with Isaiah.

"Well, we can worry about that if we actually end up surviving this whole thing," I said. "Because—and I'd never say this to the kids—I'm not sure any of us are going to make it out alive."