Right Now.

Chapter 29

Tears fall from my eyes.

They don't just drop past my eyelids, they fûcking pour. My cheeks are soon drenched in my tears and I don't even bother to wipe away the little droplets as they fall from my face to the paper that I hold in my trembling hands.

At this point, more than my hands are trembling. My arms, legs that are crossed under me, my entire body is shaking. My insides are shaking. My mind is shaking.

My lips quiver more as I lay down the paper in the envelope.

I try to stand up, but the unease and pain I feel causes me to double over before laying on the ground.

Holding myself, I continue to cry. The whole time, thoughts rip at my mind.

Kian has done everything for me. He has loved me, taken care of me, and given me a family. Over almost ten years, he has been the rock that I have been able to depend on.

What changed?

Everything was fine before. I was always okay with him being away for months at a time for his job.

That opinion changed when I broke my leg.

Breaking my leg is what broke us.

It caused me to hate his job and the fact that he would leave me for it.

Was it so bad that I wanted him to take care of me? That's what a husband is supposed to do.

But is it because of my leg that all of this happened?

My leg is just an excuse in my mind, isn't it?

I pushed him away.

No, this is not my fault. Kian makes his own decisions. But maybe I should have tried harder for his attention. I should have called more and demanded longer conversations with him. And if not that, I could have not ignored him for so long.

I was angry that he would blow his family off so much, so I started blowing him off. He called me a few times before his mistake and I ignored them because I wanted to do the same thing he did to me.

Was that why he did it? Did he need my attention again? Was he feeling as though I wouldn't want to be with him anymore?

I whimper in pain at the thought that all of this is my fault. My hands move to my face as I cover them and continue to cry.

I don't know how long I stay like that, but eventually the tears stop coming and I just lay there.

"Maddie?" Kian says. I don't open my eyes. "Madison, are you okay?"

Soon, I feel hands on my arms, pulling them away from my face. I flutter my eyes open to see Kian looking at me with reddened eyes.

"Is it my fault?" I say, my voice barely a whisper. I'm sure those words didn't come out correctly either.

"What? Baby, no it's not your fault," Kian says softly, pulling my up into his arms. His legs are now on either side of me and my head is leaning on his chest.

"But I-I pushed you away," I say, hiccuping in my sentence.

"No, no, Maddie. It's not your fault," he repeats, rubbing his hand over my arm.

I turn my face into his chest before wrapping my arms around his waist.

"I'm so sorry, baby," Kian says softly, running a hand over my hair. "I know I hurt you."

*****
"It's not going to be easy, but...I am willing to try," I say softly, looking straight into Kian's eyes across the table.

He closes his eyes before smiling and reopening them.

Once both of us calmed down in the attic, we came down to the kitchen to talk about our conversation. I was nervous about the conversation and afraid of it, but we made it through most of it without tears or arguments.

Kian and I were going to go on another vacation while leaving Christopher with his parents this time. We'll work things out over the week we're away and then we'll make adjustments to our lives.

"I love you so much," Kian tells me, standing up and walking around the table to pull me into his arms. I rest against him.

"I love you more," I reply, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath.

"So, where do you want to go?" He asks, pulling away and looking down at me.

I shrug, not having thought about it.

"Brazil? Costa Rica? Fiji? Scandinavia? Australia? Japan?" Kian offers, giving me options. "I'll take you anywhere."

"Costa Rica," I reply, smiling at him and he nods, pulling me in for another hug.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There is literally one chapter left wtf.

How did this story become so special to me.

Why is it almost over.

I'm gonna cry.

Someone cry with me.

I love y'all so much.

Thank you for sticking with me through the whole book.

Ily.

xox -Delilah