Barangay Series #2 : Evan Dos Santiago

Kabanata 5

"Ate, what does it feel like having a boyfriend?"

Kumunot ang noo ko habang sinusuklay ang buhok ko sa tapat ng salamin niya rito sa kwarto. It's already evening and we're gonna go sleep after this.

"I don't know…" I answered truthfully, "I don't know what it feels like having a boyfriend, Lara. No one dared to make me their girlfriend."

Lumapit ako sa kaniya at inayos ang mga unan namin. She's looking at me while she's holding her phone.

"Because you rejected my Kuya Lazaro last year," aniya. "kung pumayag kang ligawan ka ni Kuya, sana may boyfriend kana po. My Kuya will surely treat you better than your fake husband."

I hugged the pillow and sighed. Lazaro isn't my type. I am scared of him, hindi kami masyadong close kahit ilang taon na kaming magkakilala. He's a good man naman pero parang kapatid at kaibigan lamang ang tingin ko rito.

I fell for Lazarus more but he's the one who rejected me. Siguro karma ko na sa pagtanggi ko sa kapatid nito.

"Lara…" natawa ako. "Your brother, Lazaro, is just my friend and he's almost treating me as his sister na. Matagal na 'yang tapos…" pero hindi pa rin niya nakakalimutan. Napapansin ko ang galit nito kay Lazarus.

He knew that I liked Lazarus since I was a kid. He tried to get my attention back then but I was really scared of him. Masyado siyang seryoso, parang hindi ko deserve.

"Bakit po? Gusto mo na ba si Evan Dos Santiago kaya mabilis ka naka-move on?"

Malakas akong tumawa at pabirong pinisil ang pisngi niya. She doesn't even know that Lazarus and I kissed. That I love Lazarus not Lazaro.

Umiling ako, "maybe I'll stay single forever until I die…."

"That's scary. Ayokong mamatay nang maaga," wala sa sarili n'yang sabi.

I stared at the ceiling. Ako, gusto ko nang mamatay. My life sucks, I better choose killing myself than staying in this world that doesn't even make me feel better, deserving and loved.

Lahat ayaw sa akin. Bilang lamang ang tumatanggap sa akin pero nagpapasalamat na ako roon.

Sabihin na nating may tumanggap nga sa akin pero mas masakit na maraming may ayaw sa'yo. Pain is winning on my life. Happiness is just temporary, hindi man lamang tumatagal ng buong isang araw.

"Kapag ako namatay, gusto ko iyong hindi ako mamamatay sa sakit. Ilang taon na akong nabubuhay sa mundo na puro lamang sakit at lungkot kaya gusto kong mamatay nang hindi nasasaktan. Iyong tipo na… matutulog ka lang pero hindi ka na magigising," seryoso kong sabi.

Laza realized what I've said. She immediately sat on the bed and gasped.

"You're not gonna die!" aniya, "w-we are there for you! Hindi ka namin sasaktan!"

She hugged me tightly. I saw her holding her tears while saying that I don't deserve to die. Tuluyan na itong umiyak habang akap-akap ako hanggang sa makatulog.

She's too soft and a cry baby. Palibhasa'y unica ija ng pamilya. Sa kaniya buhos lahat ng pagmamahal at mga kalinga ng kaniyang mga kapatid.

Na hindi ko man lamang naranasan sa tanang buhay ko.

Binuksan ko ang cellphone ko at nag check ng ilang message. I saw some Evan's message on my Instagram from last night and tonight.

@theodosantiago:

Did I offend you?

Aren't you doing this thing?