Hate Notes

Chapter 14

Breakfast was tensed.

It felt like a buildup of a volcano before it finally erupts, but it was different now because there was no explosion. There was only this heavy awkwardness and tension that latched onto us and didn't go away.

Kelly and I made breakfast. It's a light breakfast, and considering I wasn't up for anything, she did almost all the work while Cece set the table and put away the grocery bags into their respective drawers.

Jesse sat far away from me, and I welcomed the distance between us. I dreaded that one of them would pull a stunt to make us sit together, but fortunately, neither one of them attempted anything. The conversation that Jesse had with Jason last night overplayed in my mind and I gritted my teeth so hard I thought my teeth would snap and break. At least, that was how I felt. Like I was snapping and breaking.

Listening to Jesse talk to the others felt like a block of ice settling in the pit of my stomach. Suddenly, I could see all those times there was a barrier between us-Jesse had everyone's attention and I was struggling to fit into their little bubble.

But no, I was not that kind of person anymore. I was not hateful, just devastated and sad.

"Should we go out after breakfast?" Kelly was asking. "I still want to take you guys to the lake, and maybe have lunch there? We can come back in time for dinner and the jacuzzi party."

"Babe, I've never seen you this excited," Jason remarked, looking at his wife while his arm rested comfortably at the back of her chair. "Not even during our wedding. Come on, I agreed to let them crash our weekend getaway."

Jesse laughed, catching on, "So you didn't want us to come?"

Jason looked back at his best friend. "I'm still in my honeymoon phase, bro. When you get married, you will understand."

The block of ice grew, and my entire chest felt numb, but I was frozen and I couldn't move. If I moved, I might accidentally do it wrong. I might flip the table and bring back godzilla. I might blurt out something I would regret, or I might make a noise.

Cece nudged me. "You're not eating."

I startled and glanced at her. "Um, yeah. I don't feel like it." I dropped the fork and pushed the plate away from me, but it didn't go unnoticed by Jesse. I was not looking at him, but I could feel his piercing gaze on me. Before my cousin could say anything else, I pushed back my seat and excused myself from the table.

Cece followed me outside and found me sitting under a shade. Silently, she sat next to me and gave me a slice a donut while she munched on the other half. "So, what happened between yesterday and this morning?"

She was an excellent observer, I would give her that.

"Found out that Jesse is a total asshole, and you cannot defend him on this one." My voice sounded strangled.

"Iris, we are supposed to have fun. We came here to have fun and I'm so annoyed that you are having none of that." She gazed at me with a serious expression on her face. "Do you want to leave? We can totally leave right now if you say so and I don't care how they'd feel about it. They didn't care about your feelings when they decided to put you and Jesse under the same roof."

My bottom lip trembled. I gave her a nod.

I was tired. I didn't want to be here, and the longer I stayed back, the more I dreaded what's coming. It was easier to leave, to escape a looming doom.

Cece and I returned to our bedroom and packed our things. Thank god we only had a few things out of the suitcase, but we rushed to gather everything and make sure nothing was left behind.