xviii. Fallen Star

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twenty three fallen star

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twenty three fallen star



          MIA HAS BEEN GETTING into painting recently.

         She always used to enjoy it, how everything slipped away until the world was gone, and it was her and her canvas. It made her appreciate the simplest of beauties; from the curve of a petal to the subtle contour of someone's cheekbone, it all felt divinely beautiful when her paintbrush was its cause. She would have to focus deeply on these qualities, and she thinks that's why she understood the beauty in everything.

          Art is a great way to overcome trauma, Mia has learnt. In the past four weeks, she feels as though she has transferred most of her emotions into her work. She spent the first week on a painting of Cedric. A realistic piece, or at least, half of his face is realistic, the rest being sketched outlines. The whole week was spent on one half of his face, perfecting every detail in her reference picture, and adding the smaller details she remembered. His light dusting of freckles, that you only really saw when you were up-close. The little dot of darker pigment in one eye. The warmth of his smile... But after a week, this intense fascination over his face disappeared. Mia felt better, and she didn't feel the need to finish it off. It was as if this painting had plucked all of the sadness left in her. Not to mention, she liked the symbolism of him being half-painted, half-not. Like his life, it ended before it was finished. She thought it was nuanced, as did her art teacher.

         In an attempt to ignore exam stress, Mia spent the next week painting twin portraits. She got her mum to send pictures of herself and her dad — with no explanation, thinking this would be a cool Father's Day gift — and her mum responded with pretty black-and-white pictures of the two, when they were teenagers. It looks as if they took them of each other. Mia never saw this picture of her dad before, but she's decided it's her favourite. His eyes are closed, and he's smiling warmly. He has one hand over his forehead, shielding his eyes from the sun. It's not that he looks happy, he looks... Well, he looks content.

         Mia supposes she hasn't seen him like that before. His life was altered when she was a toddler. In the painting of his, she began to think about how it must've been for him, how young he was when that all happened. She began to wish she could've had the dad in this picture. She began to grieve that a little, but she began to notice little details in his face that she's inherited. They have the same bump in their nose, for example. The same weirdly shaped nail, but only on their left middle finger.

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