ESTEEM THYSELF

CHAPTER ONE

The only thing which could be heard was the spluttering sound of the first rain drops of the Zimbabwean wet season. I watched the sun rising gloriously on the horizon pushing away the clouds and making way to a sunny day. The first sun rays had started penetrating into our cell through the only excuse of a window available, landing on Dawn's face forcing her eyes open.

"Rise and shine," I said waving my hands inthe air.

"Do you ever sleep...or you've become nocturnal?" she said sleepily and I laughed.

"Early birds catch the fatest worm," I chuckled.

"What worm," she laughed as she stretched herself, "In this gloomy matchbox of a cell," she said frowning.

"Don't be a spoil sport," I said with laughing eyes throwing my pillow at her which she caught expertly, " Did you see that...our player of the day, she just broke the record," I mused and in spite of her sombre mood she laughed out loud.

Dawn and I had started out as cell mates at the Maximum Prison but had grown to friends with time and now we were as good as sisters. Dawn was my confidant, my pillar of strength and cheer leader...I could tell her anything without feeling judged or condemned and one thing I was positive about thus far was that I could count on her, no matter what. When I was weak she was strong and always helped me to pick myself up and carry on.

The first time I saw her, she was lovely to look at, light in complexion with braided hair, tall, slender, elegant, I was positive she could be the next Miss Universe without even trying. She had big eyes on her long face, perfect white teeth, and a nose ring. Fate had brought us together when we were ferried to the maximum prison onthe same day and I wondered what it was that could have brought her here. We just stared at each other, no word exchange, just two broken hearts, tear stained faces, bloodshot red swollen eyes, grumbling stomachs and trembling bodies paralysed by the fear of what awaited us. The chains on our hands and feet scarred us mercilessly as we sat on the iron seats of the truck bare footed. Every turn of the wheels had felt suicidal like I was diving into abyss.

On arrival, I got an anxiety attack as the gates slammed in our faces. I was doomed, I thought to myself as shortness of breath took over.

"Are you okay?" Dawn had whispered softly in my ear before I dropped to the ground out of breathe but unfortunately no one cared.

"Hey madam, pull yourself together, stop wasting our time," one officer said icily and I knew I had to save myself.

"Breathe...okay...breathe," Dawn had said sitting next to my coiled self as I had pulled her down with me since our hands were chained together.
I inhaled and exhaled slowly in rhythms until I balanced my system as the two officers watched irritated.

"For goodness sake get up you two," the other one said five minutes later and we struggled up then they took us to the reception, where we got unchained and also got khakhi overalls, red and white striped cardigans, white tennis shoes and then we were led to the cell we would be sharing.

As we stepped on to the cold floors of the corridors, a trickle of fear ran down my spine like icy finger tips. Hard core criminals peeped through their cell doors throwing us death stares. Dawn walked composed bottling her fears inside and I was shaking from head to toe like reeds in a river as tears raced down my cheeks.

The iron door to the cell was heavy and rusty. The prison guard assigned to us literally pushed us inside and we fell on our faces hitting hard the prison walls and when we got up, we had already been locked inside.

Two tiny beds awaited us, opposite each other, with filthy light blankets thrown on the dirty flat mattresses. The stench in the room was overwhelming I almost threw up. It was sunset when we arrived and our supper came through from under the door in plastic plates but we both failed to eat that night as devastation tampered with our appetite and we cried ourselves to sleep leaving the food untouched.

Our crimes were not similar but they had brought us together. I had been involved in a fraud case and mismanagement of funds. Three colleagues and I had foolishly robbed the resort I worked for of thousands which we had "borrowed" as we called it then and used to buy ourselves cars hoping to raise the money in no time and return it back but alas we had been discovered before I had even had the chance to take the car home with me and my colleagues pinned everything on me, having been the Finance Manager.I was arrested, went to the court of law, stood before the jury and pleaded guilty which had led me to this cell as my accomplices walked scot free with their unknown brand new cars,..debtless. How unfortunate of me, I had thought but it was all part of God's plan.

"The Lord is slow to anger and great in power; the Lord will not leave the guilty unpunished ..." (Nahum 1:3)

Dawn however had been guilty of drug trafficking for some cartel in Saudi Arabia. She was a first timer and beginner's luck had passed her by thus she found herself sharing a cell with me without even getting to receive a dime, from the millions she had been promised which she had been hoping to use for her sick momma's operation. How unfortunate of her too but what we did not know was that the King of kings was in control.

"For the LORD knows the way of the righteous, But the way of the ungodly shall perish." (Psalm 1:6)

Both of our ungodly ways had perished, instead of prospering us, they brought us down and we found ourselves in prison at thirty which I believed was a significant number.

Jesus Christ's ministry started in His thirtieth year, Joseph started fulfilling his destiny at thirty and here we were, thirty and imprisoned, working like slaves, eating like infants, starving at first but adjusted with time, mosquito bites became the norm, fights,quarrels, bullying among inmates was a familiar picture. Cursing, insults and obscenities became an everyday meal.Bitterness, anger, guilt, shame and stony hearts were harvested each day.Beatings and disciplinary action was an everyday happening and not so rosy. Everyday I wished I had done things differently, I wished I hadn't been too greedy but no matter how much I wished or thought about my crime, nothing changed, I still woke up in my cell, still paying for not only my sins but my colleagues' too with nothing to smile about. I moved from shame and regret to frustration and before I fell completely into the pit of depression, Dawn saved me.

"There is a pot of gold at every rainbow' s end, there is light at the end of the tunnel, this is not the end, it's the beginning of a new era for us, don't you see? We've been granted time to reflect and turn things around, this is an opportunity for us to be reborn. Don't look at this and see a prison but rather see a womb, a different kind of womb and when we are out, it will be like being born again," she had said quietly inthe middle of the night.

"So now I can't even sleep in peace?" I was rude to her, I didn't want to hear it.

"As long as you don't dance to the music and change your view of this place we are at,..yes you won't sleep in peace,"she said as a matter of fact.

"And where is this coming from...?" I was furious.

"It's called revelation!" she said and rolled over on her bed, giving me her back, facing the unpleasant dirty walls and she got me thinking.

The next morning, to my surprise, I woke up to see Dawn kneeling on her bed side and whispering a prayer;

"Dear Lord, please, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference," and I laughed scornfully, " You can laugh all you want but I won't drown with you, some of us have people out there who still need us in one piece," she said quietly and again she got me thinking but I remained stubborn after all who needed the blacksheep of the family, I thought as my parents and brother's shocked, disappointed and pained faces flashed across my mind.

"Whatever Dawn!"

I had failed everyone and that was a bitter pill to swallow. It was hard to get used to...although I had come to the conclusion that I had never been my parents' favourite inthe course of my life.