51. Journal Entry Thirty of Growing

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It's been an interesting couple of days, Dad.

Aura and I tend to butt heads over tiredness induced annoyance more than anything, but there is something different with her.

It doesn't feel like I'm losing hope.

Don't get me wrong, it scares me from time to time.

I worry that this time will be the last time that Aura can put up with me and my erratic schedule, and I dread her ever telling me that she can't do it anymore.

It hasn't happened. Not yet, anyway.

I don't know if it will, Dad.

I don't know if that's my hope speaking, because I don't want her to ever be gone from my life, but I have come to learn that with Aura, things really aren't impending doom.

It's happened a few times over the past three months and the more it happens, the more I learn that Aura understands what happens in our lives better than anyone else ever has.

When we have a particularly difficult day, we discuss the reasons we're upset, discuss the best way to ensure it doesn't happen again and we move on. Never have we ever had the exact same conversation about an issue.

One day, she was deathly tired, Dad. I could tell that she was sleepy and almost gone with the way she was slouching in her seat.

It happened almost a month ago, but I remember desperately feeling like I needed to give her more of my time even though I was deathly sleepy, too and I remember watching her annoyed face through the screen as I was on a call, wondering, fearing whether that was it.

Whether that was the day.

It wasn't.

She was logical and understanding.

After we discuss our problems and go to sleep, the next day is so much better. It's all anew and I have never felt so light in all my life, Dad.

Being with her is so freeing.

Being with her is like that moment after a hectic, chaotic day and you come home and you feel like you can finally breathe; like you can finally let go and be yourself and you don't have to have your guard up.

Once, a long time ago, I told you about my first girlfriend – just after I got into University, Reina – and at one point, you realized that I wasn't too happy. You never asked me to end things with her, you never tried to interfere or ask me the things that had happened.

We were in the den and you just asked me one question before you closed your book, got up and went to bed.

You asked, "Does she tense or relax your shoulders?"

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