Atlas Grove, once a dancer with dreams of dancing under the stars, now lives petrified in the shadows of abuse. To escape her living nightmare she must keep her head down and work hard, being her senior year this is her last chance to get out. Altho...
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Light streams through the pale pink mesh curtain dangling in front of the big window onto Carrie's bedroom floor, fluttering across my maths book. The evidence of spring continues to appear each day that goes on. The air feels lighter but I just feel heavy, too heavy some days and it's too much of a struggle. Too much of a struggle not to think about him. Every single thing reminds me of him. Especially what he said before I left.
I do trust him.
I trust him more than anything or anyone in the entire world. I know he'd never cheat on me but I don't trust myself not to be enough for him, the girl he deserves. Not that he'd ever take me back anyway. The cold, harsh tone that followed in my wake as I left for Carrie's house. I hurt him so badly that I don't blame him. I don't know whether I regret leaving, I need space to think and just take a break. Maybe he's right, maybe I don't love myself enough but I love him and I miss him, it feels like someone's just torn my heart in two and left it bleeding in my chest, blood dripping into my lungs, suffocating with the intensity of it. Every morning I long to wake up next to him only to be reminded I'm in an empty bed, cold and pristine. Dusky rose sheets smother my skin instead of the black comforter that smells of him, of us. I want my quarterback back but I can't. We... need space... until I can figure it all out and figure me out. I've never had this much love and it's overwhelming.
My phone buzzes beside my book startling me as I look at the illuminated screen, it's not like I was even focusing on my maths anyway.
Helen: Morning Honey, hope you're doing okay this morning. You're always welcome to come home but I understand you need space, love you regardless and we're always here
My eyes burn as slick tears drip from my eyes, she's sent me a text every day. Never pressuring me just being... a mom. I sometimes reply if I'm feeling up to it but I know she doesn't expect me to. I type back a small reply 'thank you' and switch my phone off completely. It's hard enough trying to study with my mind constantly going but I didn't need the addition of my phone, people always asking what's going on, and why Blaze hasn't been at school. Breathing deeply the newly sucked air is thrown from my lungs when Carrie's bedroom door swings open, timidly. Three faces pop around the door, catching sight of my tear struck face they join me on the carpet.
"Atlas..." Emily clutches my hands pushing everything out of the way.
"I'm fine, I'm fine." Carrie shoots me an unconvincing look, "Really I promise." I spoke to Carrie about everything when I turned up on her doorstep and the girls know most of what happened but I don't want to talk about it, If I talk about it I have to face what the frick I've done.
"Look, we've all been studying hard-"
"Some way harder than others." Vixxie cuts Carrie off, throwing my math book down playfully next to me then coughs into her hand, "Avoiding." To which Emily hits her shin.
"And I think it'd be nice to... get out and do something yano. Just us maybe go out for lunch or something." Carrie continues, this is obviously a master plan to actually get me out of the house... They all smile rather creepily at me, desperately. Because it's not just me that's been holed up in Carrie's room, it's all of them. They're missing out on spending time with the rest of the group because they're insistent on staying with me every waking moment making sure I'm okay. The first couple of days all I did was cry into a tub of ice cream, them either holding my spoon or wiping my face before dancing it off late at night. Usually, them watching from the corridor of the dance studio. I'd never be able to thank them for the unholy love they've given me.
